Thursday, May 28, 2015

Like A Timex...

I took some good ol' fashioned licks this last week.  It's the hazard of being a girl with a big mouth and a big opinion.  I find that most people play fair until they feel like they're losing. Then the hits get lower, the language gets harder and the tempers get shorter.  I was struggling under the weight of it to be honest.  I don't know about you but the comments that hurt the most, are the ones with just enough truth in them, to bring on the self doubt that burrows into your skin like a summer tick.  I felt a bit slowed down, like I was trying to run in sand.

Then today, I ran into a new friend in the produce section of my local grocery store.  We stood there and talked for over an hour, both with lists in our heads and I am sure, a million other things to do. We just stopped and spoke to each other.  It reminded me of what makes me tick. There has been a common thread in what God has put before me and the passion He placed in my heart... women. Sometimes I forget how much I need other women in my life.

My love language is quality time.  I feel most loved when people give me their valuable, "can't ever get it back", time. I am so thankful for her attention and laughter today.  I really needed it.  She may never know how that unplanned hour (during which, she did not look for a clock or an excuse to get going) fed my soul.   I'm like a Timex. I can take a lickin' and keep on tickin' but without a little help to keep it wound, I'll just slowly get run down and become another useless face.

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

A Trail Of Breadcrumbs...

I really don't know where to begin and so I will just start... here.  I lost myself.  I have been searching everywhere but the girl staring back at me in the mirror doesn't even look familiar to me.  Having done some research, it would seem... this happens sometimes. There are seasons of a life that can be like this.  It's almost like haunting myself.  All my life I have been told to journal, write it down, work it out on paper, leave a record to look back on, and at long last, I see why.  From the very beginning of this little blog/experiment, I said this would be my diary for the world to see and it has been and is just that.  I have begun reading it all over again from the first one.  It's as though I left a trail of breadcrumbs for myself to find my way back into my own life.  I don't want to go back to being the women I was when I started, I couldn't and I wouldn't even if I could. It is however, reminding me of who I am and how I came to be that girl in the mirror. The lessons I have learned and the way I see the world are... unique (I'll take understatements for $300 Bob).

There have been so many changes and milestones lately.  I've been married for 20 years.  Two of my babies are in college.  Meanwhile, I am still teaching the youngest one basic reading, writing and arithmetic.  We live in our dream house.  People have come and gone from my life.  I'm approaching what is likely, for me, middle age (God willing) and I still don't have a handle on being comfortable in my own skin.  There are so many lessons yet to learn and pages left to write. Yes, pages left to write... I like the sound of that.  I like the way writing feels.  Now off I go, to gather my breadcrumbs and perhaps along the way, I will find some more words for the empty pages.  I do not know how many of you have read along through the years, but I do know some have. I want to say thank you for not leaving my words to fall on deaf ears and for the encouraging words you've given back along the way.  I am enjoying those breadcrumbs as well.