Mrs. Amy Kaeding

A Dream Fulfilled!

2012-01-27T07:57:00.000-08:00

This week we pulled up to the mailbox after a long day and I had no idea that one of my life long dreams (I would say fantasy but that seems like a sticky descriptive word for this) was about to be fulfilled. Ben looked over the pieces of mail and handed me a mustard yellow envelope. Well, it looked mustard yellow before I opened it, then suddenly before my eyes it turned golden! As I read over it I whispered the words I have always wanted to say... I have been summoned for Jury Duty. This dear reader is how the rest of the conversation went (well... pretty much)...

"I am sure you can get out of it" my misguided husband said.

"WHAT? Why would I do that?" I gasped in horror.

"Well for one thing what about the gas... do you know how long a drive it is to the courthouse (not long enough as it turns out but we'll get to that) everyday?" he said.

"They will be paying me $40 per day. I replied. They are going to pay me to be judgmental! Can you believe it... you are so looking at a future jury foreman right now!" I cried. "I have been preparing for this practically my entire life. I wouldn't be surprised if after the two weeks they ask me to be a special liaison for the court or an honorary assistant DA or something"

"What are you talking about?" my silly husband (who apparently was unaware of my qualifications) said. "You think that because you are good at being judgmental they will offer you a job?"

"You did not just call me judgmental?" I balked. "I happen to have good judgment (significantly better than most clearly), that does not make me judgmental! I meant because of all my experience in the court room and with the legal system in general"

"You have no experience in the legal system or the courtroom" he said.

"Besides being a student of human nature and an avid people watcher, I have seen every single episode of Matlock EVER made... several times! (I can quote most of them) I know what it takes to make a good foreman. I know how to tell when a witness is being coy or lying. I even know how to commit the perfect murder (Matlock taught a college class about it as part of his pro bono work... I have seen that one like 15 times). I have studied under what most people (meaning me, myself and I) consider to be the greatest legal mind of our time! I did what practically counts as my undergraduate with the Judge Wapner, Judge Judy and watching Perry Mason (oh I hope the attorneys aren't like Mason... the droning on and on in near monotone could put a person to sleep which is why I haven't watched them all). Add all that to my personal insight and experiences and I owe it to the good people of Washington State to do my duty and serve as a civil servent" was my impassioned plea. "How far is it to the courthouse would you say?" I asked.

"Why?" he asked suspiciously.

"Because it says that if you live over 60 miles from the courthouse a hotel room will be provided for you as well" I replied (trying to keep the smile out of my hope filled voice).

"Maybe 30 miles... probably less" he said (giving no thought to the fact he was bursting my fun bubble). "So, you're not going to try to get out of it?" he asked

We have been married for nearly 17 years and the man doesn't know me.

Ode To Mom...

2012-01-26T08:05:00.000-08:00

Dear Mom,

My mom... isn't she cute?

I am so sorry... I didn't know. You made it look so easy... it's not. I can honestly say that I have no memory of you missing a single practice, concert, performance or event (unless I didn't tell you about it... cause I was a schmuck like that) in all my years of school. I remember countless hours on sidelines and bleachers while you did the same for my four older brothers. What is amazing is that you didn't stop there, at the public events. Hours of spelling practice (sadly, that time was truly wasted and I bet you wish you could have it back), mindless drills for History and Science tests (not wasted... I totally use it... ok, I don't but I don't want you to regret everything), and that's to say nothing of the fevers, ear aches, fights with girls (so many, many fights with girls), and breakups with boys (lots of those too because I was irresistible what can I say?). Every time one of kids leaves their clothes on the floor I remember the time I told you that "When I move out I am not even going to buy hangers because I will just have a pile of clean and a pile of dirty and you will never come to visit me because I will live in a pigsty!" (gosh, I was the sweetest thing wasn't I?) and I want to go back and backhand my former self for you. Thank you for cleaning the bathrooms (I think of you when I do that too... 4 BOYS! Ewe) doing the laundry (that I purposely shoved under the bed), doing the shopping (even though I never once gave that a thought while bringing home all my friends unannounced after school to the loaded pantry), for sitting in the car for hours everyday (I really had no idea that that wasn't fun... strange), forcing me to go to church (ok, I knew that wasn't fun for you... hehe), teaching me to swim, ride a bike, read, and count. I know you think when I don't call for a couple days that I have forgotten all about you but the truth is those are the days that I think about you the most... as I cook, clean, drive, read to, discipline, spout vocabulary, pray with and tuck in. All the while hoping I make it look half as easy as you did. I love you mom.

Love, Amy

( HA... It's not even Mother's Day! Extra points coming my way! )

"Her children arise and call her blessed, her husband also, and praises her: Many women do noble things but you surpass them all. Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a women who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31: 28-30

(Triple word score!... now I'm just showing off... LOL)

Drum Roll Please...

2012-01-23T09:37:00.000-08:00

This is my 100th post... wow, that's a lot of pressure! I have been staring at the blank box for a bit now (not to mention all the mental plotting ever since I realized the last one was #99) trying to come up with something profound and amazing to increase the files of your cerebral cortex... but the harder I try to be clever the lamer I become. So let's just get this over with...

I started all this (the blogging I mean) by saying that this would be my diary online and I think I have stuck to that. I haven't scared you all away yet and to be honest, that surprises me. Maybe I'm the only one (but I doubt it) that wants desperately to to be loved and liked despite my obvious drawbacks. It means more to me to know that you are my friend even though you read my blog because here, I am (for better or worse) truly me. The anonymity of it takes some of the fear out of saying what I think out loud and as a person who just needs to process things sometimes it has been such an amazing outlet. I have worked very hard to learn to think before I speak (so imagine how bad it was before) and to be gracious and kind when dealing with others (again, just imagine... LOL) and it is nice to have a place to just calls em as I sees em. So, thank you to all of you who have read what I have to say and not only still put up with me but keep coming back for more. I know for some of you this is the only way you can watch "The Amy Show" as there are no live tapings near you at this time. For those of you who appear regularly throughout the episodes these are like watching the directors cut or bonus scenes! Perhaps some of you are even former cast members that were killed off mid season... but to all the members of my audience I give a rousing Cheers!

(whew... I did it... now I have 99 pressure free posts before I face this again)

So here's the thing...

2012-01-14T14:09:00.000-08:00

Here I am... again... late at night in front of the glowing screen thinking "I just want to talk it all out with someone" but there is no one here who wants to talk... well, except for you my little captive and willing audience. I am struggling. I have so many dreams, visions and goals (and so little belief in myself) that it is hard. It seems like each time I find my voice on some situation I am thrust before several different opinions about the same subject very soon after. How do you cope with feeling like your opinion is correct when others are not? How do you know if you are leading... or leading astray?

This all feels a little... beige and vague. Let me give an example and perhaps that will help.

I bring you to our little church last week with a visiting pastor (a man I have a history with and know well but perhaps had no idea I was in the room) as he did an amazing job of fire and brimstone (the likes of which I have not seen since I was a child) at our pastor's bequest. Then I came home to find a poet/prophet on (of all things) Facebook and was forced to look at the contrasts. One preached shame, guilt and damnation, while one preached forgiveness and redemption despite our obvious unworthiness. To be honest I am much more comfortable with damnation. I know full well that I am not worthy. I know that the one true living God gave all that I might live. When I hear all the reasons that I am unworthy... they do not surprise me. In fact, my unworthiness is my second skin. However, something happens in my heart and in my head when I hear that I am damned. There is a pilot light that will not go out. I feel a hope, that seems to spring eternal in my heart, whisper to me that in my weakness I will find strength and in my failure lies my only hope of success, because I was willing to call out for redemption and a Savior.

I will never be the shining example of how to behave or what to say but let me be an example in this...

Lord God, I was created by you in your image. I know that my reflection of you is shallow. I only pray that as you watch that image you can see how much I want to please you. I want other people to love you more because of how I speak about you. I want other people to trust you because they have heard the stories of your faithfulness from me. I may not do chain letters or idle threats about you being ashamed of me because I didn't forward someones junk mail but I do desperately want to thank you and please you.

JUST STOP.

2012-01-05T12:42:00.000-08:00

So a facebook friend posted this the other day as her status:

Cycling is so hard, the suffering is so intense, that it's absolutely cleansing. The pain is so deep and strong that a curtain descends over your brain...once; someone asked me what pleasure I took in riding for so long. "pleasure??? I said" "I don't understand the question." I didn't do it for pleasure I did it for the pain. Lance Armstrong

I took some heat the other day for a statement I made about the obsession and self worship aspect of some people's views about their physical selves especially around January. I must admit as I read this quote, that the first thing that came to mind was "that is exactly how a cutter describes cutting". Perhaps it is because I have had the opportunity to work with people who are in Olympic training and have been able to see first hand some of the incredibly unhealthy things that become part of their everyday to win or even just qualify to compete and have also spent time with addicts and people in recovery, that I see so many similarities. They are both entrenched in compulsive behavior. It is simply that one is far more socially acceptable and so they are rarely encouraged to stop and are many times held up as an example for others to pattern after. I believe that my friend posted this as she finds it encouraging and inspiring but to me I just see warning signs and red flags.

Then I was privileged to read a blog post written by a women I have never met but must come from the same cloth from which I was cut as we could be sisters of the heart. This is an excerpt from the letter that she writes to her daughters that was part of that post.

*see below

And so I will sing a song of wonder and beauty about womanhood for you to learn from my lips.

I will lead the resistance of these lies in our home by living out a better truth.

I will not criticize my sisters for how they look or live, casting uncharitable words like stones, because my words of criticism or judgement have a strange way of being more boomerang than missile, swinging around to lodge in your own hearts.

I'll wear a bathing suit and I won't tug on it self-consciously. I will get my hair wet.

I will easily change my clothes in front of your Dad, proud of my stretch marks that gave us a family, of breasts that nourished his babies.

I will prove to you that you can be a size 12 and still be sexier than hell.

I will prove to you that you don't have to be all angles and corners, that there is room for some softness because you all love to hug on my soft bits, burrowing into my arms and my breasts to rest for a while.

I will eat dessert and raise my glass and laugh my way to deeper smile lines.

I will celebrate your own beauty, my tall girls, but I will do my best to praise your mind, your heart, your motives as much as I praise your beauty.

I will not let the words "I'm fat" cross my lips - especially in front of you, my beautiful girls.

I will celebrate beauty where I find it, in a million faces uniquely handcrafted by a generous God with a big tent of glorious womanhood.

I will tell stories of women and surround you with a community of women who are smart and strong, crazy and hot-headed, gentle and kind, women who love and you will see that this is what is beautiful, that a generous love is the most gorgeous thing you could ever put on.
http://www.emergingmummy.com/2011/06/in-which-i-promise-not-to-call-myself.html

And so I find myself looking for the balance between my own struggles with image and my desire for my children to not share them. I find that I must curtail my rage toward those who push this crazy obsession before the eyes of my daughters at every turn and fight with the tools I have in the arenas I am given. I ask you to help me by not posting what you eat for dinner of facebook and calling it "accountability". I ask you to not constantly talk about how you need to loose weight and how fat you feel and please stop using pathetic phrases like "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels". If you want to give me a compliment in front of my children, compliment me, not my image. Don't look all excited and say "wow, you look great, have you lost weight?" JUST STOP.

*My daughter and I were selecting photos for group frame and she said she loved this one "because we look so happy... those are our real smiles" and she didn't think they looked posed enough for the group frame... screw posed.

Let the record show...

2011-12-30T15:58:00.000-08:00

The year is coming to a close and as I have known myself for.... awhile now... and I know that I will be jumping up to do the "get back to blogging in the new year" thing on the 1st so I thought "why not get started now?"... Ok, that's a lie because what I really thought is I just flipped over the calender to January and there are only 4 days left open so maybe I should do it now while there is a break in the chain... LOL

So, even though you didn't ask for it, here it is A BRAND NEW BLOG POST!!!

I was inspired by a dear friends Christmas letter this year in which she, who shall remain nameless, (LESLIE DEERING) gave what amounted to a deposition on why she is crazy and I thought... as my fate is sure to be similar to hers I should also be prepared to give an account :)

So, here goes... I am home schooling and driving a carpool 3 days a week. How did that happen? Wasn't homeschooling supposed to keep me home? We are still able to squeeze all the other subjects into the remaining days though so... no worries. As it turns out I really can go back and forth between high school, middle, elementary and kindergarten questions at the same time. I am an Awana leader (ok, and Ben is the commander so there's those meetings too) every Wednesday night, which is one of the days I carpool so I end up gone all day with just enough time to serve and clean up dinner before heading back out for club. I love going to the Elk Homemakers once a month and writing the article for the local paper about each meeting (hey, it's only once a month, that's not bad... but then book club is only once a month too...) I have cut way back on being on the worship team because now that I teach Sunday school it is too hard most weeks to do both back to back. My class isn't huge but it's all kindergarten boys (I love boys so I don't mind). It is for this reason however, that I now HATE markers. I have had 8 surgeries on my mouth in the last year and spent 14 days in the hospital (none for me myself so they were spent sleeping in a chair... which is a bad idea in case you were wondering) which was really only doable because Ben could be here with the kids as he has been out of work since June. I was super excited to help put together Elk Days (we had over 300 kids in the first hour!) this year and volunteer for the plant/bake sale last spring. All my kids had birthday parties and I hosted every holiday of the year (including that BBQ with over 70 guests). My garden did better then ever and I did my first canning this fall all without missing a single day at the county fair for 4H (those meetings are only once a month too) or Dr. well checks or visits to the children's dental village...

I hope this doesn't sound like I am complaining as I am thankful to have a house, clothes and dishes TO clean... it is simply to explain the ever burning question that people keep asking "are you crazy?" YES! Yes, I think I am. At least that is what I am attributing the eye twitch, loss of hair and insomnia to. I don't have much time to think about it though so I am not completely sure but yes, I think I am.
Sorry but I have to go as the new puppy needs to be taken outside to go potty... consistency is the key you know!

Did You Just Say That?... Really?

2011-09-20T09:09:00.000-07:00

My husband and I were in a local restaurant the other night (a very nice restaurant, that I frequent... frequently) and it was late we were the only customers. As will sometimes happen, this created an opportunity for the staff to strike up conversation amongst themselves while cleaning up. We were not talking and so it was that I heard every word of this conversation and am confident that I didn't misunderstand. There were three girls with zero male input. I would guess they were in their early to mid 20's.

Girl #1 said that her boyfriend wanted to get married and that she was not willing as she was confident that he wanted to have children and it was important to him that she stay home. She said that she would never do that as her time was more important than that and she was too intelligent to waste herself that way.

Girl #2 said that she wouldn't mind being a stay at home mom but knew that she would have to join some committees and non-profit organizations to keep her mind working as there is no way that she could just sit at home like that watching children like some daycare worker.

As Girl #3 piped up, you cannot imagine how I hoped that she would be different... but she was not. She said that she would love to have the freedom of being a stay at home wife but not if there were children involved. She was working for her degree and had no intention of wasting all that work just to get stuck with the kids while he got to have a fulfilling career and accomplishments.

Oh how I wish it had ended there but it did not. They then proceeded to talk about how that was a job for women who weren't educated or creative enough to do anything more. They laughed and joked about how sad it would be to have so little self respect or prospects. I wish I could say that I stood up and set them straight... but instead I sat there trying not to cry.

They were saying so many of the things that I feel. Most days of being a stay at home mom make me feel like my brain is turning into mush. Picking up the same toys, washing the same dishes, folding the same laundry while my goal is to keep life fun and challenging for everyone else... but me. I know that what I am doing is important but I don't feel important most of the time. It was so hard to listen to other women say these things. I think if it had been men I would have been in their face in 5 seconds flat.

Why is that?

Who taught them these things?

How do we stop it before my daughters grow up?

Pssst.... Did you hear?

2011-05-30T08:44:00.000-07:00

Gossip. I was approached with a question yesterday about what gossip really is. What qualifies as gossip? Being a group discussion I of course heard the tired "talking behind someones back" and "a group of women huddled in a circle after church"... people, people, people, that is not gossip. Talking about other people behind there back is not gossip. It is my hope that if I have talked about you to someone else when you're not there and you two finally meet, it will sound something like "Amy has told me so much about you, I feel like I already know you and love you!". A group of women circled around to talk is called communication and it is vital to the growth and maintenance of relationships.

So what is gossip? Sadly, this one I have had so much experience with that I have the answer down pat. Gossip is talking in a negative way about someone not present, using words and phrases that you would not say to their face. There you have it. Talking about something negative that happened between you and another person is not gossip if you have had the discussion with that other person. In other words, you cannot accuse someone of gossiping about you if they are making you look bad because you did something mean, cruel, catty, or rude and they told someone else about it. Note to self... behave better. On the flip side if you are purposefully telling only negative things about someone or repeating negative things that you have heard, that is gossip. If you have never met... you really shouldn't be saying or hearing anything negative about them period. This is of course why I strongly believe that 90% of all mass media newscasts are gossip. They are simply telling you the ugliest, nastiest things that happened that day involving people you have never met who have no way of telling their side of the story and if you have ever been involved in an event that made the news you can attest to how inaccurately most of it is reported.

The overall point of this memo is this... if you cannot say it to their face... don't say it at all. When you talk about other people keep your words positive and uplifting of their character. People are relational and will (and should) talk, so give them something to talk about (clearly I practice what I preach on this one!) but remember that you are the one deciding what they will have to work with. Do not be afraid to speak the truth but make sure that if it is negative, you are saying it only to people who know the situation and are involved or it is just gossip.

Disclaimer: all of the above statements are made under the assumption that what you are saying is true. If you are lying, it doesn't matter if it is positive or negative... because it's a lie... get it?!

*steps off soap box and poses for photos

Glass Half Full or Half Empty?

2011-04-21T07:05:00.000-07:00

Story of my Tuesday version #1

Tuesday sucked. I was greeted first thing in the morning by a call from my husband (while trying to get everyone out the door already running late before 8am) saying that something was wrong with his brakes and he may have to have his car towed. He suggests that I take my car in to be checked (after I drive the carpool, go to a meeting and of course with my 5yr old) as it has been making the same noise as his and he would just feel better if I checked it out. As I am sitting at the tire and brake center (for what ended up being just over 4 hours) my husband confirms that the repairs on his car came to just over $800 and I tell him that mine will be almost exactly the same. Ladies and gentlemen, we now have a $2,000 dollar day. Tuesday sucked.

Story of my Tuesday version #2

Tuesday was miracle day. I was greeted by my husbands voice first thing in the morning assuring me that he was alright but that his breaks went out. During his 45 min. drive to work over winding and hilly back roads, through stop signs on more than one highway and stop lights through town. His brakes even worked as he slowed to enter the parking lot at work. As he stepped lightly to pull into his spot the peddle went to the floor and he bumped into the little cement blocker. He was on time to work and completely safe. Later when they towed his car they found the brake pad and parts on the ground under the car severed in half. The older gentlemen who worked on his car said that he had never seen one broken so completely. Our cars had been making the same noise and so I took mine in to be checked. Along the way I drove my own children and four others to school over those same winding and hilly back roads and highway stops. The man at the tire store made me come look at my brakes when they pulled them off. He looked at me and said "Honey, there is no doubt in my mind that tomorrow you would have stepped on the brakes and the peddle would have gone to the floor and your emergency brake was already gone". I did not yet know what had happened to Ben's car. The next day I would have again been driving with all those children in mine. Unlike Ben, there would not have been a single safe stop or area for me to lose my brakes... not one. There would have been no amount of money that I would not have paid to avoid a call saying something had happened to Ben or that Ben would not have paid to avoid a call about me and the kids. Tuesday was miracle day.

Glass half full or half empty?... have you met me?!
My Cup Runneth Over

Am I Masculine?

2011-01-05T11:05:00.000-08:00

There's girls like Trinity and then there's... me

Ok, so I have a new friend. I don't know why but somehow that always starts a weird assessment test in my head. The kids and I were invited over and all my senses were assaulted with femininity. I had no idea you could scream "women live here" quite that loudly with decor alone but trust me... it can be done. I watched as my daughter Trinity's (pictured) little eyes lit up like a Christmas tree and even Raven seemed stunned. The more I looked around the more I could not help but ask... am I masculine? I came home and took a good look around. This is different than when I visit my 'messy disorganized' friends or my 'we make more in a month than you do in a year' friends or even my 'unafraid of color' friends... this made me feel like.... my mom! *GASP

I love my mom but it is not a secret that we refer to her decor as "hospital-esque". In other words, white on white on white with just a touch of almond appliances. I have been relieved to find sufficient evidence that a girl lives in our house too (although admittedly nearly all of said evidence is in my daughter's room) just not in floral form. I have a strong aversion to flowers... because they die and that depresses me. I have however learned to keep a number of indoor plants alive (herbs and fruit bearing so that they qualify as useful not decorative) for color. My walls are not white (but since most of them are log I cannot take a huge amount of creative responsibility there either). It seems to be in the small details that I can see I am indeed feminine... just on a smaller scale. My hair is nearly to my waist so I do get points for that (but only because it's no longer the 80's). As long as I don't look in my closet I feel pretty good about it.

Maybe I should buy a skirt?

Going Gray...

2010-11-16T11:28:00.000-08:00

My beloved husband has removed more than one "really blond" hair from my head this year (what a way to ruin a date atmosphere not to mention my mood). I don't know how I feel about this. Ok, I do know how I feel about this and I am obviously upset or I would not be blogging about it. I have always said that I would just go gray gracefully... but that was before it was actually here in front of me. I have always loved long gray hair on women but older women... not... you know cute little youthful me!!! What is a girl to do? For the record I have never dyed or colored my hair (not even for halloween) so it's kind of a big deal to me. Do any of my readers have input on what happens if you already have long hair (mine is at my waist right now) and it starts to go gray? Will I end up with like a gray "hat"? AAAAHHHH!!!! I am so too young for this!

Backpack Full of Ashes

2010-11-01T10:42:00.000-07:00

I was part of something called the PPO this year. It stands for Perpetual Prayer Offering and each person (nearly 200 of us) commited to pray for the Beth Moore Conference and the women in our area going to it for one hour a week at the same time for 40 weeks. My hour was 2-3am on Wednesday mornings. We were each given shells to represent our hours and we gathered together the morning before the conference, at the Arena, to place them (over 7,000) in a glass jar and pray over every seat in the building. As I was praying for the women I stopped an prayed for myself. I specifically asked/begged that I "could just hear You (God) say my name and tell me Amy, this is what I want you to do". As prayers like that usually go I moved on and only remembered later... and you won't believe why.

I spent the next four days in Women's Ministry training seminars and then at the conference. During the training I began to realize that I knew what I was supposed to be doing... have known for a long time but having been hurt so many times I was scared to step up and try again. I talked to my pastor's wife minutes before the conference started and told her that I knew what my calling was and that I was willing... but scared. I could never have planned what happend next. Less than an hour into the conference Beth started talking about how everyone who has accepted Christ has been called with a calling. Here's where it gets weird... she stepped up to the edge of the stage and spoke right at the section I was sitting in and said "When you know what your calling is it is like God is saying AMY (she yelled that part) do what I am asking and have equiped you to do". In that moment I remembered my prayer and was blown away. The next day she only repeated three things from the day before... you guessed it, she stepped up to the edge and looked up at the section I was sitting in again (this time on the opposite side of the stadium) and said it again... all of it.

Ok, I get it (for some sweet women a 2X4 is a last resort but with me He just starts there and moves onto structural beams). I have accepted a position at church that although I am scared out of my mind to do... I know it is my calling. I have been carrying a backpack of ashes for a long time now. So much pain, heartache and hurt and I would love to see God turn it into something beautiful. Only He can do that and even then only if I will give it to Him. My heart is to see women connect. We usually do that best in our points of weakness and yet those are the very places we are rarely willing to share. I believe that everything I have been through, the good the bad and the ugly, will not be wasted. He doesn't waste our pain. The backback is off and I will try not to try and pick it back up.... now let's see what He does!

Thank you to all the amazing women in my life who have been praying for me and encouraging me through these last very difficult years. Our pastor said in his sermon this weekend that "God is able to use us many times in the very areas that we have been hurt the most". Many of you have been gently whispering that to me for a long time now and I love you for it.

Pride Cometh After the Fall?

2010-10-07T11:10:00.000-07:00

I don't believe in happenstance or coincidence and so when my life takes a turn... I take a good look around and try to see what God is doing. I know that sometimes we never see the reasons behind some of what he does and then there are times like oh, let's say... in my life now... where it is embarrassingly clear. For those of you who don't know (which is sadly probably not many of you), I have a lovely pride problem and a vast array of vices... bad combo? Yes, I fear so.

I honestly had no idea how prideful I was until late last night when I received a very sweet and kind message from a friend. I admit to calling him "a well meaning Christian terrorist" when I first read his message. You see he had the audacity to say that I was way too concerned with how I look and that I basically needed a reality check about my situation. He of course said all this very politely and so me wanting to give him a swift kick was undignified. He is a guy, of course he doesn't notice much difference! Having only known me a short time, he has no idea how I was teased growing up about my looks or how I have had nightmares about breaking my teeth again ever since I did it the first time and especially since finally having them repaired! He doesn't know anything or he would never have said any of that! I mean it made it sound like I have a pride problem... uh oh.

See, here is where it gets ugly. Not my face (well ok that too...) but rather the truth. You see I know better than anyone that I have some things I like to run to when I am hurting, tired, angry, frustrated... and that much of the time, I reach for them long before my Bible. Funny, (well, it would be if you're not me) since my accident, I can't do any of them. I physically can't do any of them. I have been trying to make decisions about my purpose in life and what I will do with my kids, church and relationships and I think I was about to make some of the wrong ones. At the very least I was making them for the wrong reasons.

So, my life took a turn and where am I now? I am alive, so there is still more to do. I cannot talk so I will have to listen. I cannot turn to the things that I usually do to distract and protect myself so I will have to face things head on (although no more large rocks to the face please) and feel the emotions that come with them. I cannot sing, smile, entertain or otherwise "earn" affection. I will have to accept hospitality instead of give it. I will have to admit that pride didn't come after my fall and that even though there were no signs on that wooded trail... I missed one.

I'm So Vain

2010-10-05T15:27:00.000-07:00

I am so vain... I didn't know it but I totally am. For those of you who, as yet, are unaware I rolled a quad (four wheel recreational vehicle) while still on it and have sustained some pretty nasty injuries. I know that I am lucky (aka... I still am) but most of my wounds are to my face. I will have to have multiple procedures done over the next year in order to repair what I did to my mouth alone. I of course explained to the Dr. that this was cruel and unusual punishment as I use my smile more than 92% of the people that make up this great big world. It used to be 93% but I have made significant progress in my area alone... I mean just look at the statistics!!! 1% of the earth's population? That's HUGE!!! I of course made this statistic up but I think he got my general point and then he laughed which just PROVED it!!!

I will be wearing long sleeves and long pants as I currently look like a prison tattooed leopard (for those of you not cozy with anyone on the inside, they only use ink from Bic pens to tat each other... so it ends up that weird blue that bruises are). I have been given "bone" injections that will hopefully regrow enough bone for me to get implants put in as I am currently the poster child for the "All I Want For Christmas" song. I now humbly apologize for all the times I have said I was born in the wrong century ( I love the 1500's) because I clearly cannot emotionally handle not being able to smile prettily, talk with excellent diction and sing without a lisp. Thank you God for modern medicine because this little girl of yours has way, way, way more work to do on her ability to feel comfortable minus the cuteness factor.

Don't let me lead you to believe it's all pain and no gain. My lips are swollen to perfection! I have a pout that would shame Angelina Jolie (who am I kidding, she has no shame... but if she did) and all the swelling in the rest of my face has left me with no need for botox! Last but not least... I have had so much work done on my mouth that I have not been able to eat for two days and cannot have solid food for several more days so... totally getting thinner!!! See... told you... SO VAIN.

I don't think I have to explain why there is no picture attached to this post.

Raising Adults

2010-09-30T08:10:00.001-07:00

I am raising adults... not children. This statement usually gets me a few raised eyebrows. I see so many people raising children these days and then they wonder why their offspring make such poor adults. I get my share of flack because I allow my kids to say and do things that some find questionable (these being the same people who generally find me questionable so...). I know that my children are real people not puppets. They have real desires, feelings, gifts and challenges. I am not nearly as concerned by what they do or how they do it as I am WHY.

I would much rather that they question someone (even an adult) right here, right now about something if they honestly feel that what the person did was wrong then to stay silent and be polite "good" little children. I love it that they regularly whisper to me "I don't want to know what would happen if we said or did that" after witnessing other people's behavior. Or even better the times they say "thank you for disciplining that out of me" when they see peers still whining, complaining or pouting... I am not kidding.... they have really said that MANY TIMES.

On the flip side, they can be severely punished for "good" behavior if I feel like they did it for the wrong reason. I don't allow placating people who are being poorly behaved. I will make all the allowances in the world for someone who is trying and none for the people who feel entitled to them.

My kids say that I have a 15 minute answer for every 10 second question. That is because although I will occasionally use the "because I said so" it is honestly rare. I want them to think. I want them to understand why. So I take the time to talk through my decisions with them and play out the "what happens in the long run" scenario so that they understand my heart. Even if they don't completely agree with me they don't question it the next time because they know why I am saying yes or no.

Anyone who knew me when knows that I do not tolerate teasing people in any fashion for things that make them different. I do however support teasing to the point of ridiculousness about the things that we all have in common. I love comedy and I think laughter is a defining beauty in our home but never at the expense of someone else. This was a hard lesson for me as I was teased and tormented when I was young and used words as weapons myself for a long time before God really taught me this.

If you read nothing else of this babbling on READ THIS...

I know that my children are not mine. I have been given an opportunity to raise and influence two daughters of Eve and two sons of Adam. They will take what I have taught them and use it to serve themselves or the Lord. I have no control over that. That is why I am far more concerned with their heart and the why than the behavior itself. I love it that they are all so different. I only hope their true love is the same.

Long Time Gone

2010-09-30T07:36:00.000-07:00

I have been curiously absent from my blog world for a rather long time. I love to write and I am never short on opinions and so I was forced to ask myself why... why so long without blogging Miss Amy (because I actually do talk to myself in third person on a regular basis)? Fear. Yup, my answer was quick and sure.... fear.

I have very little ability to filter myself once I get started and so I must refrain at times to keep myself from saying more than I aught (yes, I just used aught in a sentence in 2010). I have found myself in one of those places in life where one must decide which direction they are going to go. There has been a shift in the ages and stages of my children, our location, our church family and in my family family. One might even say that the landscape of my life has changed. I know who I have been... now who will I be. I had the pleasure of having my niece Alex here for a long time this summer. She helped me really see the impact that I have as a mother. I know that my children are picking up all manner of questionable behavior from me but they are also learning that I value their relationship and commitment to Christ higher than any other aspect of their life. I am an evangelist. I cannot help it. My heart cries out for people who are lost and without hope. I have had some horrible experiences with churches and leadership and some have questioned well... everything about me and my faith. So then I tried to pull myself back and not be involved or put myself out there to keep out of trouble and limit strife... and I have suffered for it.

I wasn't made to stay out of trouble any more than I was made to stay silent. I love loving people... right where they are at... just as they are. Especially those that are harder to love. I have made my choice. I will step up and lead because I know God has equipped me for it. I will not be silent when I see others hurting and lost. I am pretty sure I will end up in trouble again at some point... and if the people I have been serving and caring for feel loved by me and by God through me then I will feel successful. I am tired of feeling empty at the world's version of success... I only really feel accomplished when I know God used me to reach someone's need and touch someone's heart.

Bedroom Remodel

2010-06-28T12:30:00.000-07:00

So the good news first... we're still married! Yeah!!! It only took us two months longer than the two weeks we planned on but it's done now and I am so happy with the finished product that I ALMOST don't remember the process... LOL. We bought this house with one bed and one bath and those are the two we just finished remodeling. As you can see we had a very nice classic 70's look going... but not quite in the retro back in fashion sort of way.

Now the bedroom wasn't so bad but at 9X10 is wasn't too big either. On top of that the wall didn't actually go all the way to the ceiling (they went under the beams so we had good ventilation... LOL)

The closet left a bit to be desired especially after the lovely accordion door broke... LOL.

Now the bathroom is clean, simple and so nice! We added a door into our room so that it doubles as a Master Bath as well as a main floor bathroom. We only extended it out a couple feet but with the slimmer cabinet it feels so much larger.

We installed a one piece shower/tub combination and it is so easy to keep clean... I love it!

So much better!

With all the windows it is so light and bright! I am looking for a nice writing desk to go under the sign between the windows. We have night tables now and I would like to have a comfy reading chair and rug in the corner by the plant... all in good time!

The view from our bed is amazing! We can see the same view we love from the deck right in our own bed every morning.

We had help from a few great friends along the way but we did most of the work ourselves. The thing I am the most proud of I think is the flooring. We had 3/4" plywood cut into 2X2' squares and stained them. Then we used a stencil to pre-drill the screw holes and used black screws so that it formed a geometrical design in the floor. We laid them alternating the grains and polyurethaned them until you can slide in your socks! The whole thing cost under $300 and it looks so beautiful!

One of these things didn't used to belong...

2010-02-17T08:09:00.000-08:00

This is February which means that we get an annual visit from my beloved brother Darin and my niece Alex! She brought a new friend this year named Kristi who believe it or not is as nice as she is... didn't think there were any more out there to be honest! So we spent an afternoon at Best Buy checking out the new apple line... but something happened none of us could have anticipated! See if you can figure out which one of these things didn't used to belong...

Two girls sipping on Starbucks?... no, that's pretty normal in Best buy land.

Two teenagers and a 4 year old bonding over some online episodes of Sponge Bob Squarepants?... no, I think that happens a lot.

My mother falling for and purchasing the first computer she has like ever touched... What? What did you just say? My mother using a computer, let alone taking it home and getting herself an email account and asking me to teach her to use Facebook?! This definitely did not used to belong but I am so glad that's not the case anymore! I am so proud of my mom! Hey Miss Linda... I think she got tired of you knowing everything first! LOL! Here's to peer pressure!

Karen is now available at GrandmaKarenis@gmail.com !!!

NKOB County Style!

2010-02-15T10:30:00.000-08:00

We have two new kids on the block! They came to live with us on Feb. 3ed (Jedi's birthday) but were actually born on Feb. 1st. They are Lamancha goats and so they have no ears.... but they are known for their high quality milk and that is why we go them. The kids are starting 4H this year and Raven and BJ will be showing their goats while Trinity shows her bunny.

Pictured above is Joy (BJ's goat) and below is Hope (Raven's goat). We have to bottle feed them three times a day and the kids have been great about doing it. In a couple weeks we can start them on hay and weening them off the bottles. In the fall we will take them to be kidded out "knocked up" and after the babies are a few days old they will be ready to be milked every day. Since Raven has a dairy allergy this will be an awesome provision for us as the milk and cheese will be usable for the whole family!
We built a simple pen for them by reusing some old barn doors from a building we had to tear down on the property awhile back.
Pictured above is Trinity's bunny Cadbury. Ready set... County Fair!

What is strength?

2010-02-09T14:17:00.000-08:00

I was teased pretty mercilessly as a child. It didn't take very long to figure out that if people didn't get an emotional response from you that they didn't tend to pick on you as much. I learned not to cry, not to show emotion of any kind in large quantities and this not only gave me the power of control but denied them the power of controlling me. This is a quality that I began to look at as a strength. I have worked to teach my children this same "quality". I reward them for times when they stuff their emotions and don't allow others see their pain and banish them to their room if they are crying until they can pull it together. It has come to my attention that this is actually not strength. It is a lonely road that leads to a broken person.

My youngest daughter is the happiest, sweetest little ray of sunshine on the planet and because of that I have never respected her. As I fervently tried to teach her to be as unfeeling as I am she has repeatedly looked me in the eye and told me she loves me and continued on in her loving way to reach out and connect with anyone and everyone without hesitation. I was wrong. Not showing my feelings didn't actually stop me from feeling them. The pain was not decreased by denying it... only deepened by my suffering alone. I pray it is not too late. I want to turn it around. She has been so strong to stand up in the face of all my opposition (bullying... if I'm being honest) and continue to care. True strength is being willing to be vulnerable. The ability to walk away unchanged, uncaring with only your control to keep you warm at night is weakness. I will have to learn strength from my little girl. I am confident it is not the only thing she can teach me... just the beginning.

Hope...

2010-02-09T11:33:00.000-08:00

Oh, ya'll are in for a deep one today... one year ago, I was in the darkest depression of my life. I honestly felt that God had let me go. Having grown up in a Christian home and with a relationship with God very early I have never really been able to understand the haunting questions that non believers struggle with... until this. Looking back at the road I have traveled this last year I can honestly say I am so grateful for every minute. Yup, you read that right. I am so thankful that God let me go through a season where as much as I adore my husband and love my children, the fact that I could no longer feel God in my life left me hopeless. I could only see my flaws. Nothing seemed to have purpose. What was I here for? What is the point of all this? Is this really all there is? I considered ending my life. It seemed to me that I was only bringing people down. My children needed a better mother. Ben deserved a better wife.

God didn't let me go. He allowed me to go through this to realize that I had it all backwards. I saw Him as the icing on the cake of life. Something to sweeten the wonderful life I was busy living with family and friends. The truth is that without Him nothing else was sweet, it was exhausting. If this was all there is... they weren't enough to make me want to do it. He is what makes my life sweet. He is my hope. Without Jesus... my life was empty, unfulfilled and without hope. Without hope... I never would have known what that simple, complicated phrase meant if he had not allowed me to really feel it. I needed to know what it felt like to not feel Him there with me to know how much of a difference He makes in my life every day. It makes me want to scream from the mountain tops to all my friends that don't know what hope, true hope feels like! It doesn't have to be this way! There is so much more! He is not a joy stealer... He is a joy giver!

This experience as revived my faith. I still struggle. There are still good days and very hard days. The laundry still piles up. The toilet still needs scrubbing. Some friends stay and some leave. At the end of the day I am still emotionally and physically exhausted but I know what I am here for. I know this is not all there is. I have hope. Sweet, precious, priceless hope for tomorrow.

This ones for the girls...

2010-01-12T12:52:00.000-08:00

For those of you who have known me awhile now... you are probably aware that for most of my life I detested women. At one point I actually taught workshops on how to become a recovering women hater... "How to Make the Transition from Competition to Companionship" It has been awhile since I really took stock of my chick friends and thought about where they fit in my life now and how that could change in the future. I have grouped them together to help me sort. I have to sort them by position to me as I have friends from all walks of life, personality, economic level, style and profession. It never ceases to amaze me what God was able to do in my life and my heart where women are concerned.

We'll start with my peeps. These are the chicks that wave when they see me, laugh at my jokes, remember to invite me to girly events and generally don't pretend not to see me when we meet in public. Thank you for your contribution to my existence and I sincerely hope to see some of you break out into a higher level group over the next year!

Now we move on to my circle. You are the women that I chit chat with, table talk at Bible study with and generally hope to have over or meet for lunch so you can laugh at my jokes and answer my "dare I trust them" questions. This circle sometimes feels like a merry go round to me as the players seem to rotate and I know they are interviewing me as well... and many times I don't make the cut. Thank you for being honest or at least honest enough to reveal your fakeness so we can both move on (depending...) and if you and I don't continue to hang, it's probably my fault not yours (or at least that is what you should tell yourself so you don't get a complex).

Here's where it gets serious... the shell. You are the women that not only like me you protect me. We have completed our interviews and received a stamp of approval from each other to give each other encouragement, advice and you are allowed to laugh at my jokes or occasionally make some about you for my entertainment. You are like the candy coating of my life making it sweet and simultaneously keeping me from melting (which if you have reached this level with me you know that I don't like mushy stuff especially in public and so this is a very important position).

If you are part of my core... you know it. You know it because I have alerted you to the responsibilities that come with it (and the possible consequences of you ever betraying me). You know and understand what I am really made of and why everybody else doesn't. You are no longer required to laugh at my jokes (although you do anyway because you find me hilarious) and you have taken vows to be honest, faithful and the biggie LOYAL. You have a strong belief in truth, justice, and karaoke as well as a healthy fear of me being "really honest with you". To these I give my opinion, my trust, genuine affection (which we don't talk about) and loyalty (and honey, you can't buy that!) I don't need to say anymore to you because I tell you all the time how much you mean to me.

As for the men in my life... don't you feel better just reading this? Due to an accident of gender you just naturally fall into my life under the "innocent until proven guilty" clause! Some guys have all the luck! LOL

It's my blog...

2010-01-08T10:35:00.000-08:00

I am in a funk so that, "you never know what you're gonna get" thing, you all say you like about me is about to be put to the test. So I was recently the lucky recipient of yet another lecture about behavior. This one was short, to the point and not directed solely at me but did contain one of my least favorite phrases. "We must be above reproach in every aspect of our lives"... So, here comes the Amy rant...

All I hear when this phrase comes out is "we must be unapproachable". I know that is so not what the speaker meant in his heart and yet... as always, I wonder what that looks like to people. I am not above reproach in like ANY part of my life. I screw up almost constantly. I am like some long running joke that never looses the comedic timing! I have made a lifestyle of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time in the wrong place to the wrong people. The more pristine someones life looks on the outside the more I swear I can smell melting plastic when they stand in direct sunlight! There is nothing appealing to me about people who act like they have it all together. I just want to say "oh, you have it all together... you're above reproach... you are the continuous picture of holiness... well hurry up and die already because you're done... DING! timer went off.... you're perfect!" (which I realize sounds very uncharitable). Now for my even tempered response...

I understand we are to strive to live out our faith. It just seems to me that the more genuine someone is about their faults and shortcomings the more I feel like I can talk to them. The more open they are about their struggles, the more I realize I am not alone in mine. The problem with attempting to live above reproach is that it can't be done. There will always be someone who sees you, hears you, or is told something about you that they disagree with. The only one who will be surprised by this reproachability is you! I honestly think that this is a severe accident of misinterpretation (wow... I am so thankful for spellcheck right now) of the Bible. I believe it hurts people... I know it has hurt me. Now, finally for my bottom line...

Above Reproach = Unapproachable = Bigger canyon between you and those you are trying to reach! Don't like my math?.... It's my blog! I can say it if I want to... you can have your turn too... just look down and click on the word comment baby!

That man I married...

2010-01-05T11:22:00.000-08:00

This is Ben just months before we were married

(and yes, that is a PONYTAIL waving in the wind... LOL)

I know everyone says that you should never marry someone hoping they will change... and yet, from the moment you say "I do", that is all you do... change. I married Ben while still a senior in high school (great story... I should blog it sometime I know) and we could not have been more different if we tried. We are still completely opposite in so many ways and yet, we are completely different people than we were then.

As weird as he was then... I think I would have fallen over if you had been able to show him to me 15 years down life's road. I married a man who regularly wore bowling shoes (that he not so accidently wore home from Kenmore lanes one night) with baggy purple jeans and I now see him leave for work in a Calvin Kline wool gentleman's jacket and a black stetson. In between there have been aprons, business casual and dress shirts with ties. I remember hearing him mumble the Lord's prayer by rote at his parents table before Christmas and Easter dinner and now I listen at the door at night sometimes just to hear him pray with his son that God would lead them each to be mighty men of God, asking for opportunities to spread the gospel! I don't even think I would want to be married to the man he was then now (although I would still date him... LOL)

He's not the only one who has changed either. I have done my share of changing too (which is why I now own a wardrobe that spans 10 sizes). I used to be loud, obnoxious and one never knew what might come out of my mouth next... oh wait... ok, so somethings never change! I am very thankful that God has grown us together. We've had our ups and downs to be sure but what fun would the roller coaster of life be without them? I am just happy to be sitting next to my best friend for the ride. Here's to almost 15 years!

Double Dog Dare You...

2009-12-29T15:17:00.000-08:00

So... my friend dared me to blog again after the little upset formally known as my last post. Then her husband double dog dared me. I have always had a terrible time turning down a dare (hazard of a competitive spirit) and so... here we go again folks!

I am going to take the easy way out this first time and post our Christmas letter from this year. If you didn't receive a card from us... and most of you didn't... then here is the year in a nutshell. Our economy (money to bill ratio) has not been so hot as of late and so if you didn't get a card in the mail... it most likely wasn't because I don't like you anymore (there is that chance I suppose but for most of you this is not the case) it is just because I am poor (or as one of my friends puts it... I chose to spend my money another way... LOL)

~ Merry Christmas 2009 ~

If you remember, we last left off (nearing Christmas 2008) with the announcement we had moved to the community of Elk Washington. We moved up just in time for the hardest winter in a half century. It wasn't long before we realized that they make four wheel drive vehicles for a reason! After the first , of what would become many rescues by our wonderful neighbor, (Ryan, we could not have done it without you) we traded in our trendy city cars for something a little more country friendly. Christmas morning we awoke to a river of snow sliding off our roof, that literally wiped out the deck railing... that is when we learned what a roof rake is... oops! The sledding on our driveway was amazing! We parked the cars at the top with the brights on and went all night! Funny thing though... it makes it really hard to drive up after you smooth it down with sleds like that... whole different kind of sledding for Ben trying to go to work and back in the morning!

After the snow melted it was time to get to work... with the help of well, just about anyone we could con into coming up here, we made some major progress. We have cleared the area around the house fairly well now and are deciding what to do with it all. The hen house is now full and producing about ten eggs a day, (now I know why there is a whole section for eggs in the Better Homes and Gardens cook book! ) although we lost poor rooster George to the coyotes. We were going to build one of those super cute chicken coops that look like an old Victorian house... but did you know that chickens absolutely reek? Yup, not putting that sort of work into something that smells that bad. Funny there wasn't a scratch and sniff sticker in the Country Living Magazine article! The eggs are great though, so they're here to stay!

We tried our hand at gardening and got just enough to really know what grows well and how to plant better this year. Amy joined the Elk Homemakers Club and one of the ladies (thanks Miss Evelyn) taught her how to can... AMAZING!!! It's not as hard as we had heard and so, so, so much fun! The greenhouse is in and so with an early start, well planned garden and the new found love of canning... it's official... Amy has her eye on the country fair! The kids are hoping to get a goat for 4H this spring (which ought to go well with the hens, bunny, dog and cat that already call this home... don't get too scared, they are all outdoors except for the dog and that's only at night, no matter how much the kids beg)... oye!

Let's see, that takes us to fall... hunting season! BJ got his first deer this year and Ben has major venison envy! With the help of some good seasoned hunters we all learned the art of skinning (thank you Bert) and butchering (the "Frailey Way" thanks to Richard). We have started to make friends and the folks at Peaceful Valley Church sure have been good to us. The pace of life is much slower here and the people are so kind and full of love for their families and ours. We are so glad we made the leap of faith and followed our dream.

So, just so we're clear... log cabin, hens a laying, homeschooled children, bunny, stray cat (that we feed, so I guess she's ours), guard dog, four wheel drive, cowboy hats, belt buckles and mamma's good shoes are her boots, it's official... The Kaeding Family has GONE COUNTRY!

Yee Haw and a Very Merry Christmas to y'all Love, Ben, Amy, BJ, Raven, Trinity and Jedidiah

(said with deep southern drawl)

Changes

2009-11-10T16:39:00.000-08:00

Due to a series of very unfortunate events I will no longer be accepting anonymous comments on my blog. If you are unwilling to own your words... you may keep them to yourself.

It doesn't grow in celephane packages...

2009-11-02T11:50:00.000-08:00

My oldest son BJ (13)got his first deer this year. He shot it from his bedroom window on our property in Elk! I am proud to say (although I had to have it explained to me why I should be proud) that he shot it clean, with one shot and less than two inches from the heart. Then things got complicated...

By complicated I mean that gutting a deer in the dark (for the first time) and then hauling it up to the house to hang for 3 days is not as easy as one might think... if one thinks these things through beforehand... which clearly, we didn't! LOL

After 3 days hanging skinless from the tree outside my bedroom window (I spared you these shots... you can thank me later) our friend Rich came over and taught us all a fabulous class on butchering a deer... the "Frailey Way"... which we have been assured is the best way!

That's right folks... on a Costco table... on the deck... LOL

We learned a lot and honestly... it really wasn't that gross... it was kinda fun!

There's my fearless husband (aka Farmer Ben) and Rich... Student and teacher!
The end result?... Ta Da... Meat the way we are all used to seeing it... double wrapped and ready to BBQ!

Fading Family...

2009-10-19T10:17:00.000-07:00

These are the McCoy kids. My four brothers and me... I'm the baby. These photos are fading and yellow with years but they have fared better than our relationships. What happened?

At some point all the things that were supposed to hold us together... tore us apart. I look at this photo taken in front of the house I lived in until I married and moved out. Their faces are fading out of the photo but are crisp and clear in my mind. I miss them so much. I miss what could have been and what could still be but... it would take a miracle. Oddly enough the one who lives the farthest away is the one I have the closest relationship with, while the one physically the closest has chosen to no longer speak to me or my parents.

My mother's birthday is this week as well as my daughter's. My father turns 70 this year. So much missed time together. So many memories not made. I wonder how much time they think they have. I wonder what they will do when they realize they can't get it back. How many people will they loose and not think of the ones still here... longing for them. Loving them... I do not understand.

I know so many who no longer have that choice. They can do nothing to have one more Christmas, birthday, day or moment. We have the chance for all... and they slip through the hands like the tears falling from my mothers eyes as she touches their pictures and tries not to let the memories fade.

What if it wasn't true...

2009-10-08T10:53:00.000-07:00

I woke up feeling like this (see picture on left) this morning. I met someone yesterday. I say met and yet, what I really mean is... my regular counselor was in over her head with me on some things and recommended that I go see another therapist with more experience with my level of crazy... and I spilled my guts all over the poor women for just shy of three hours. Result?... life change. For the first time I got the chance to be completely honest with someone about what has been going on in my heart and head for all my life, who really got it. She has been there and really, really got it. We dug deep, hashed hard and I came out the other side with truth. I have believed some pretty serious lies for a very long time and they were literally crippling me. In my defence I never checked to see if they were true. I just believed them. How can so many people be wrong?... but they were. I know that now and I am floored. I haven't felt this free... well, EVER! I slept last night. The kind of sleep that perhaps you take for granted. No nightmares. No muscles clenched so tight I feel like I'm made of metal. No fear... did you hear me NO FEAR! A prison with no bars is a prison still and I have been in one for a long time. I am afraid to feel this way. Who am I without all the fear and anxiety? Who am I without all the labels and questions? I don't know. I don't know... but I am going to find out!

If you feel like I am being perhaps a bit vague... I am. A lifetime of lies, pain, secrets, and fear are a bit much to explain in a blog post... go figure... but know this... Jesus is enough, did enough, paid enough... even for me.

Change of season...

2009-09-22T13:15:00.000-07:00

Fall is far and away my favorite season of the year. I love to watch the change of color and it always brings a bit of change of heart for me with it. My favorite thing about fall is seeing that even as the leaves are dying, they are filled with new beauty. Even as the plants and the soil prepare to lay barren until spring they are not going silently.
Did you know that the color of the leaves in the fall is their true color? The green we see the rest of the time is the photosynthesis required for growth. It is not until they have reached their full potential and yet before they fly from the life giving tree that their true beauty, that has been there all the while can truly be seen. I know what others see as they look at me on the days when I must do and be all the things I need to, for my family to be successful, and I know that is not all there is to me. God has filled me with passion and joy that can at times be hidden or harder to see... but it is never really gone. In my transparent moments with those close to my heart all that color shines through.

I want my children to understand that they may look just like so many other people on the outside, that at times they may feel plain and unimportant, but they have already been painted by the master into a beautiful vibrant person. Someday that will be obvious to everyone who looks at them... but you have to do a lot of growing to get there and you have to stay connected to the source of all life while you do it. I never thought I would learn such a valuable lesson from Cindy Lauper and yet... if only we can see our true colors shining through.

She's our dog now!...

2009-09-22T12:52:00.000-07:00

Our dog beautiful has one of those dishes that you can use a two liter bottle to keep "ever full". We had several friends over this weekend with their dogs and since we rarely have two liter bottles around, one of our friends tried something a little more common around these parts... and it worked! LOL

Well Beautiful... you're our dog now!

Where did that come from...?

2009-09-14T12:56:00.000-07:00

The kids are getting ready to start this new partnership school (like the one from before just closer to home) and they have two campuses... so we drove up to check out the second one this morning. Here we are driving by old dilapidated houses and "ghost town" is all I could call the string of three store fronts on the main street and out of NOWHERE... we see this!

Apparently, at some point the state completely refurbished this turn of the century schoolhouse to it's original glory and then like all good government officials... decided they didn't need it so... our school took it!
Above is the mother's room (both campuses have these) where all the moms can hang out with smaller kids. There is a small kitchen and comfy furniture. The woodwork in this building is amazing! You can see how the center of the room is lower because they added lighting. The windows go all the way to the ceiling all around every classroom and the sills are over 6" deep!

Everything is original and as BJ so aptly put it, "It feels like a big warm welcoming house" and it does! This is part of the Library. The walls of the school are filled with framed copies of famous US documents and oil paintings of the presidents.

Not EVERYTHING is original.... as you can see here in the computer lab. LOL

All the doors are really thick solid wood and they are gorgeous!

Around the back they have a fully fenced park for the children. Complete with wrought iron benches and an "old school" slide and swings.

Yes, as you can tell, I loved it.... but the children did too. They are looking forward to meeting new friends and trying out some new classes. All good things...since they start tomorrow!

Congratulations are in order...

2009-09-09T16:31:00.000-07:00

That's right, you are in the cyber presence of the newest member of The Elk Homemakers Club!!! It is official and these are some of the coolest ladies ever! We talked of canning, planning, the medicinal benefits of local honey and chickens all in one sitting. We exchanged ideas, stories and memories all for the low low price of $4 per year for membership. They started the meeting with prayer and we even said the Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag!!! I LOVE IT HERE!!!

The big surprise of the day was that the first lady I really got to talking to turned out to be the mother of one of my dearest friends of my heart. She and her family are living in Germany now and it was hilarious to me that I had to go the basement of the local VFW on a random Tuesday to meet her mother for the first time but hey, considering my socially checkered past... not all that strange or unusual LOL! I love you Sharon and I adore your mom! I told her I am the Amy you wished you could have taken to Ireland with you! She wanted me to tell you that she is having trouble with her connection (Ben gave her some tips that will hopefully fix it) and she loves you (yes, even after spending an afternoon with me LOL).

The sun sets on summer...

2009-09-08T10:53:00.000-07:00

The fog hung in the valley trees this morning and we had a light frost in the garden... summer alas is drawing to a close. I finished registering the kids in their enrichment classes this morning and had to write a "what we did this summer that was educational" summery and it made me realize that it was time to get back to blogging.

So... what DID we do this summer? Well, our chickens are on a steady laying pattern of a dozen per day. I think it is safe to say that I am now fairly familiar with the egg section of my better homes and gardens cookbook! LOL I don't know what the deal with roosters crowing at dawn is, because I have news for you... they crow all the bloody time (or at least George does)!
These pics are for Miss Linda who said "didn't see any pictures of the living room" so here is the living room and dinning room. They are separated by the wood burning stove in the center.
Dinning....
Living...
Together...
I absolutely love my dinning room table. It is actually two put together and they both have leaves that tuck down into it. It is Mango wood (really heavy) and has a vintage finish that is fire engine red underneath the black so as it wears it will show red through... very cool.
I am getting better at the greenhouse thing... kind of! LOL We now have an orange, lemon and lime tree (one of each) and two different kind of grapes. I am optimistic that it will be a huge help come spring getting starters up and running early.

The re stain went well and we have temporarily painted the lower half until we can afford to do the faux (I think the spellcheck doesn't recognize this because it's French... I can't spell however so... not really sure...)rock.

It really helped everything look more uniform and although a little darker than I thought it would be... I'm still happy with the overall progress.

This is the product of Ben and the kids chopping for all their worth the last couple weekends. The pile goes four stacks back and we are hoping to have 6-8 more before the first snow. These are from the trees we fell our first weekend in the house

(you can look back if you want to... Nov. 08)

And so, the sun sets on our first summer here. We have had company nearly all summer long and every visitor has plotted out where they want to build their cabin. I think that means they like it here! We are learning more every day and as scary as it can be (don't even get me started on the bats... oye) it is so well worth it and we wouldn't change a thing! (yup, this was taken from our back deck this week... yeah, I know....)

Sou Chef in the house!

2009-07-31T07:53:00.000-07:00

This is my beautiful niece Alexys! She has decided to go to culinary school and is having so much fun learning to cook! She is up from SoCal to visit and is practicing on us and we are loving it!

This is her first "watermelon" salad and I think she did an awesome job... and she has decided that melon balls are not as easy as they look... LOL

Her first night here she insisted on cooking dinner for us and she was so much fun to watch! The food turned out great and she cleaned up after herself!

We went out for dinner...

2009-07-31T07:39:00.000-07:00

We went outside for dinner that is... These are the first pickings from the garden!!! We were able to make our salad for dinner from the bounty of our very own garden last night and we are pretty excited about it!

Lettuce, green beans, purple green beans, red and white radishes, sugar snap peas...

Ben still insists that we all watch the sunset together every night (those of us who have come up and hung out with us... know that this is a true and accurate statement... LOL) and I love him for it! It is amazing to all of us that we get to live here and enjoy this everyday. It's like God paints a beautiful picture just for us every night!

Ben and Trinity snuggling and enjoying the view.

Ta Da!

2009-07-31T07:26:00.000-07:00

The house is all one color! The stain was worn quite badly when we bought the house so we knew we would have to redo it this summer. Ta Da! It is re-caulked and stained and I am so glad!

Before

After

Hay... that's cute!

2009-07-20T08:34:00.000-07:00

No, I can't spell but that is actually not the problem today. LOL We woke up to a field covered in hay bails this weekend. A neighbor asked if he could hay our field and since we have no tractor and it becomes a fire hazard if you don't harvest it we gladly accepted! They look so cute... like little packages all over the field!

My little farmer Ben could not have looked any cuter sitting on a hay bail in his Cartharts... adorable... absolutely adorable! As if living in a John Deere add weren't cool enough... he has to go be that cute. I am so blessed!

I know everyone (ok, not everyone... but a lot of you! LOL) thought that we would be miserable out here but we love it. I cannot tell you how nice it is to see the sunset over the mountains, sit out under the stars, make brownies with the eggs you just got out of the chicken coop 5 min. ago or having to close the window in the evening because the crickets are so loud instead of the neighbors next door fighting again. You just get to see so much more of God here. There is more of his handiwork than man's everywhere you look and I am so grateful everyday that we get to live here.

That's one crazy ex-girlfriend...

2009-07-16T06:49:00.000-07:00

My friend Leslie and I saw Miranda Lambert out at the Coeur d'Alene Casino last night and it was fabulous. This was her Crazy Ex-Girlfriend tour and her new album drops next month. I am a HUGE fan and so this was seriously a lot of fun for me!

As you can see our seats were... pretty good! LOL We had to mosh it out a bit at times but it was super fun!

She sang almost all of my favorites but Desperation was the best one for me! Then we got a chance to meet her in person... yes, I know... fabulous! I got my ticket signed and she signed Leslie's Wildhorse T-shirt!

We got a chance to talk to her for a quick minute. I was shocked. I have heard of people getting to do that after the show but I have never been one of them. Maybe because it was a smaller venue? I don't know why I am just happy! The shot is not the best but we were outside... at night... what are you gonna do... well, besides know how to use your camera better... LOL!

Stairway to heaven....

2009-07-11T19:20:00.000-07:00

Just kidding... well, for us it's the stairway to heaven... does that count! In case you are thinking about buying one (as the song goes) it was about $60 (I know I always thought it would cost more too! LOL).

When we moved in this was the main entrance and we have decided to switch to using the door on the right and so...

Ben built an exact copy (not easy when the previous owners specialized in do it yourself) on the other side! It turned out so good!

The front is starting to shape up nicely and we are having the whole house re-stained this week so it will all look so much better and everything will match the way it should! I have four rose bushes now (my secret weakness) and lots of fun annuals!

Feeling opinionated...

2009-07-01T18:56:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile since I took the time to really write something other than an update. My life has been like a box of chocolates lately. I have been neck deep in espionage, infidelity, financial difficulty, unexpected loss, and deep grief. All that, before we even start thinking about what has been going on in my personal life (LOL). I have learned some things lately about myself so as I usually do... I'm gonna share!

Being a child of God isn't easy. There are so many challenges along the way that can make you feel like you are failing. A friend reminded me tonight of how easily we are led to believe that we are hopeless. How easy it is to invite into our lives a spirit of darkness. I have struggled personally with the pain that comes when you are a house divided against your own will. It may very well be a heavy topic for some of you but here it is, the good, the bad and the ugly. There is a spiritual battle for our hearts and our souls. Never overestimate the power of your enemy but never underestimate it either. Jesus died that we might have life to the fullest. Jesus died that we might have freedom. Let not that be in vain.

Why do we buy toys?

2009-06-30T08:34:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I sent my children outside in some old clothes armed with paint and brushes and told them to go paint rocks. Three hours later... no, three peaceful, quiet, relaxing hours later they proudly showed me the colorful collection that they have made to decorate my around my flowerbeds! I think it kept them busy longer than the last DS game they got! LOL Lesson learned... Don't over think it! They are so easily entertained and I think we over complicate things by trying to hard to engage them. Keep in mind this included age ranges 3-13 and they were all out there having a blast! It got me thinking. When we lived in the house on the south hill I used to send them out with a clean (large) paintbrush and a bucket of water and tell them to paint the house. When they spread water on it it looked darker so they felt like they were "painting". They would stay out there for hours and paint the whole back of the house!

Ummm... Has anyone ever seen this before?!

2009-06-26T10:55:00.000-07:00

Remember the "giant" egg from my last post? If you don't, go look now... I'll wait.... do do do do do do do do do do do do dododododo... Ok, we broke it open this morning and although we were not sure what we would find... we did not expect this!

There was another egg inside it!!!

The egg you see in the pan is the one from inside the giant egg and then the little one was in with it.

The second egg was perfect. Good solid shell and cute little egg white and yoke! Babies makin' babies people! What?, you had to know I was gonna say that! LOL

We didn't eat them because I wasn't sure how long the other one had been there and well, better safe than sorry with food folks! We are getting double yokers about every six eggs! I am just curious, has anyone ever heard of this before?

Lessons from Sesame Street...

2009-06-22T08:33:00.000-07:00

Do you remember the game on Sesame Street?

One of these things is doing it's own thing... one of these things just doesn't belong...

Well, we had a version of that in our kitchen on Father's day! We have started getting eggs daily now but not all of the chickens are laying. The egg on the far left is the first from one of them and it well... IT'S HUGE!!! Having been through childbirth four times I am feeling for this chicken! LOL

We were also able to get about a quarter of our garden in this weekend. I think I will revise my plan for next year but for now we have corn, snap peas, tomatoes, green beans, cabbage, lettuce, yellow squash, peppers, radishes, broccoli, carrots, watermelon, strawberries, cantaloupe, raspberries and blueberries. By growing a small amount of each this year I hope to find the ones that will do well on a larger scale next year. The berries of course are perennial but on all the others I wanted to see before I go overboard on something that isn't going to grow well.

Happy Birthday to Me....

2009-06-13T15:03:00.000-07:00

My birthday present arrived today! I have a brand new fabulous greenhouse to play with! The process of getting it off the truck was not so easy but all of us pitched in to help the poor man (yes, one man... what were they thinking?) who came to deliver it. The important thing is that it is here and has made it safely to it's new residence next to my garden.

This will allow me to extend our growing season by at least four months if not all year round and also makes growing some things possible that might not otherwise work in our area. I am really excited about this new adventure.

We went with pre-built because all the comments on the "build it yourself" models were very frightening! It seems that they are very problematic and even though this was about 10% more... I think it will be a much smarter choice overall. It has built in shelves and is built from solid wood. 10 X 12ft. of planting playground!

Happy Birthday to me... Happy Birthday to me... Happy Birthday dear

completely spoiled and blessed beyond all understanding

Amy...

Happy Birthday to meeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!

Our first egg!

2009-06-04T21:00:00.000-07:00

We found our very first egg in the hen house today! The shell was perfect and lightly speckled brown. After having been told that it might take up to a year for them to start laying this was an awesome surprise after only a few months.

We cracked it and it was a double yoker... how cool! The kids were totally in awe (ok, so were Ben and I)!

I drove home from Seattle today with my friends three girls and they will be staying with us for a bit. This is their first time here at our new house and it has been so cute watching them discover all the country life stuff!

Then they all sat down to watch their first sunset hear together (a big deal around here at the Kaeding's) and I could not pass up the photo op!

BJ, Raven, Alyx, Myka, Trinity, Tory and Jedidiah

Teenager?

2009-05-30T09:26:00.000-07:00

"Do you know what today is?" That is the sentence that Ben woke up to on Friday morning. "Our son's birthday?" he said. "No, this is the day that I have to start using phrases like, I have a teenage son... my oldest son is a teenager now.... now that BJ is a teenager... oh, you know how teenage boys are... and open a window, this room stinks to high heaven!" I kid you not when I say that I really honestly feel about 17-18 years old. My brother will gladly add that I act like it too! I wouldn't disagree with that at all. It is now oh so obvious that my son and I cannot both be teenagers and so I am at a total loss as to how to handle this!

As if it all wasn't hard enough already I bought balloons and streamers to decorate for his party with and he didn't want to decorate. My son, the one who always wants streamers and balloons... this is all happening way too soon and way too fast. He is so sweet and loves the Lord so much that I cannot help but be proud of him but... oh, how I wish he would grow all the way up at once!

My mom and dad spent the evening with us and I am glad. My mom totally understood how I was feeling (she raised four boys and then me) and I think your first one becoming a teenager is pretty universal. She had a little fun laughing at me too!

This is my son's favorite dessert, Peanut butter cheesecake! I bake the peanut butter flavored cheesecake with a Nutter Butter cookie crust and then put it over a fudge brownie bottom layer and cover it in Nutella or in this case more peanut butter.

We've left the straight and narrow....

2009-05-22T07:14:00.000-07:00

Spiritually you can't beat the straight and narrow but for driveways... we've gone for the wide and easy! Ben finally got to play with a real Tonka and took out about 14 large stumps from all over the property. Then they re-graded the driveway and broadened things out a bit!

This is from the top of the driveway looking up toward the house.

Before....

After!

This is looking down the driveway from the same place.
Before...

After!

Those of you with two wheel drive are going to be very thankful we did this! We just about doubled the width and it is not nearly as steep.

Quick Change Weekend!

2009-05-18T09:11:00.000-07:00

Our weekend started out with an old family friend Lee (he was close friends with my g'ma and g'pa McCoy) coming over with his tractor to help us regrade our driveway. He let the kids sit on the blade to be the weight and take little rides. He was so sweet and fun to be with. I didn't get to spend much time with my grandparents before they past so it was fun for me to hear the stories and find out more about them.

We are the proud owners of a brand new dented BBQ! We were going to get one that was not as cool (but substantially better than none... which is what we had currently) and found one that was marked down $100 because it had a dent in the back of the lid! Stayed in budget and landed an even better BBQ than we planned!

We have the sticky tiles in the kitchen and some of them were starting to come up. When I couldn't find a match... I went another direction all together. The tiles there now are grey and so I went with black and replaced the damaged ones. Then I did a few more interspersed throughout and tada!!! It really gives the floor a fun punch and cost under $10!

I have started on my garden set up and will keep you updated! I am going with a "fruits of the spirit" theme... uh, yeah... you can totally decorate a garden... watch me! LOL!

Faithful...

2009-05-08T07:45:00.000-07:00

God gave me a very interesting word picture last night and read it or not... I am going to share it with you.

Imagine that your husband, whom had never given you reason to doubt his faithfulness or love reveals to you that some of his closest friends have been cheating on their wives and lying to cover for each other. Although he does not agree with their behavior he has allowed it to go on. He has decided to show them grace and wait for them to repent in their own time and now asks you to do the same. He assures you that they will be caught up in their own web and reminds you that he has been faithful to you and so you need not worry about what is going on in their marriages but to focus on him and continue working on strengthening your marriage with him.

Perhaps you would not have any questions at all... but I would. How can I be sure of his fidelity if they are lying to cover for each other? How can he continue to be close to these people if they are behaving this way? Don't birds of a feather flock together? How can I trust him now knowing what kind of people he chooses to associate with and care for? Isn't there a line where giving grace is code for being weak and prepping me for when I find out that he has not been honest with me?

I have had some major disappointments with some of the people that God loves and has a marriage relationship with. They are part of the bride of Christ. These are people who genuinely love the Lord and yet they have cheated and lied to protect each other. They have hurt me deeply and caused me to question my relationship with the Lord. I have asked these questions of Him in the quiet of my heart and suspected Him of all these things and more because of the way they behaved. I have treated Him like I would a human husband in the same situation, full of suspicion and mistrust. There is one BIG problem with this however. He is GOD!!!

It was like I could hear as clearly as someone sitting next to me say

"He who is the Glory of Israel does not lie or change His mind; for He is not a man, that He should change His mind". " The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart". "God is love". "He will never leave me or forsake me". "God is Holy". "His Faithfulness endures from generation to generation" He has proven Himself to be just and true. He is not a man and yet I have treated Him as though it was He who broke trust when it was not. Men and women, who will never need me to forgive them for more than what Christ has forgiven me for, broke trust with me. I cannot hold Him accountable for what they have done. I must leave my worldly wisdom behind and put my faith in Him who is worthy. My mistake was not in trusting; it was placing my trust in people rather than in God. I have held the Lord at arms length and then wondered why I cannot feel the warmth of his embrace. Father forgive me.

Why We Homeschool...

2009-04-24T07:47:00.000-07:00

The reason that we chose to homeschool is because public school didn't work for my oldest son. It wasn't a good fit and we saw very quickly that if he continued we would have results in him personally and educationally that we didn't want for him. Don't get me wrong, there were spiritual concerns as well, but they were not our only concerns. After calling the private schools and realizing that was not financially possible... we looked at homeschooling as a last ditch option. God was faithful to bring so many homeschooling parents into our life to encourage us and help us in practical ways to get started.

Homeschooling is so different now than it was even 10 or 15 years ago. There are so many options now and even the public school systems are stepping into help. We study Math, English, Science and History at home. Two days a week the kids attend an alternative program through the public school system for enrichment classes. They choose 5 classes each semester and attend each class for 1 hour twice a week. They take things like, Pod casting, Flash Animation, Robotics, and Pioneer History. The list goes on and on. Even more amazing is that the state pays us to attend. We are re-embersed $550.00 per child for their educational needs. You can use it for so many things! We use it to pay for Piano lessons, Guitar lessons and art supplies.
The curriculum that we use at home costs us about $200.00 per year for each child. That is for the four core subjects. Some people use the re-embersment money to purchase curriculum but that is not an option for us because ours is religiously based and therefor doesn't qualify.

As time has gone on and we now have 3 school age kids we still take the time each year to re-evaluate their education. At this time they all attend the alternative program and study at home. Trinity attended kindergarten at the local public school. For her it was a good fit and we have been thrilled with that decision. As the third child she really needed at that time something that was all her own and separate from the others. My point is that there is no one way to educate and there is no way that may work for all your children all the way through graduation. It is important to look at each child, each year and make the best decision for them at that time. We have found that the freedom we have by homeschooling is such a gift to our family. We are able to vacation during the off season and midweek for less money and with less crowds. We can visit friends or spend the week with grandma whenever we want or need to. We really notice the difference when someone is sick, the weather is bad, there's a family emergency, or grandpa wants to take us sailing for a week because the weather is going to be perfect!

This is all just one humble women's opinion of course but I do feel strongly about it. Our children are our greatest treasure and I believe, our first mission field. The old adage is still very true, they are only little so long and it goes so very quickly. My children have a solid belief system and a feeling of family oneness that I truly do not think they would have had. There are days when I cannot see this clearly through my glazed over, sleep deprived eyes but it is still true none the less. My oldest is turning 13 this year and I can see now some of the results of these hard choices and I am so excited for him and relieved for me...Yeah, one less regret!

Puppy!

2009-04-24T06:43:00.000-07:00

Welcome the newest member of the Kaeding family....

Beautiful Kaeding

She was born on February 19th and we adopted her April 24th.

We brought her home and as you can see the kids have been literally beaming ever since. Each of them have been taking turns petting and walking her. You should have seen how jealous they were when she fell asleep on my lap!

She is half Black Lab and Half German Shepard. She doesn't make much noise but she proved that she knows how to do the job when she barked (the first time we had heard her do so) when a car was less than half way up the driveway! Good Girl!!!

Great is my Joy!

2009-04-20T14:04:00.000-07:00

Praise God! I have been delivered! After a season of darkness, loneliness and depression, my burden has been laid at the cross and my spirit restored! The pilot light of my faith has been ignited again to warm my heart and light my eyes! Thank you to all of the friends and companions who have prayed for me and struggled along with me as I have gone through this journey. Here are some of the things I have learned through my experienced these past months and even years.

1. I am loved. Deeply and truly loved by God.

2. No one and nothing can take that away from me.

3. I was created by God to be a unique creative tool for His use and purposes. I was not made to look, talk, walk or act like anyone else in this world.

4. I need to have compassion for people who have not yet realized these truths in their own lives and are still controlled by fear, anxiety and insecurity.

5. I will never have a genuine and rich relationship that didn't first require me to take a risk of being hurt. These genuine and rich relationships are worth the pain caused by the ones that aren't.

6. Those who are sold out for God and live out their love for others WILL be attacked spiritually. It is a compliment to our faith when Satan feels the need to knock us down over and over.

Certainly not last but enough for today...

7. God has been preparing me and patiently waiting for me to get back up on my feet again to take on an even bigger mountain. I have my armor on and a heart that is willing to follow... Lead on!

Uh Oh... Amy's back!!! I cannot even express to you the joy that is coursing through my veins as I type this... because it is true... all of it!!! Thank you for sticking with me on this one you guys. I wasn't sure I could get back up after that last knock out and in truth I couldn't. I needed God to pick me up and carry me for awhile before I even really wanted to. He used some of you to prop me up on and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your willingness to do so. I love you. Yes, I used the L word... now you know your in trouble! LOL

Update from Amyville...

2009-03-13T09:01:00.000-07:00

So, I didn't really have anything amazing to post but post I shall anyhow! I still have 16 chickens and thanks to new (to me anyway) information from some friends about what a rooster really does... (I will never open a bottle of wine without that image by the way... yeah, thanks for that) I am hoping that they are female! I am doing a bit better personally and have been working hard to make some changes for the better. Thank you to all of you that have supported and encouraged me along this little stretch of road.

That's it... for now... over and out... 10-4 good buddy... or buddies rather... ok, I am hanging up now... you didn't hang up... ok let's both hang up on three ok... one... two... three... you're still there? I can't believe you didn't hang up! Ok, I didn't either! LOL

The glory of Chuck E. Cheese

2009-02-28T12:52:00.001-08:00

People, people, people... let me try to better explain why I love our Chuck E. Cheese. This is one of our two CEC's here in Spokane. Trinity is posing with the actual Chuck E. who comes out about every hour on the hour and sings and dances with the kids and then tosses out some tickets and disappears again for another hour.

My mom even loves Chuck E. Cheese and as you can see here, they have some amazing adult games as well. On this one you are playing for the number of tickets in the case. It plays just like the game show and it is a blast. If they ever put one of these in a casino... I am in trouble!

There are tons of little toddler age toys and rides in the center that keep even the busiest little ones running and squealing all day. The booths surround the "sections" and so you can munch on the amazing salad bar and unlimited soda fountains (even a glass of wine if you so desire) with a friend or a good book and still keep an eye on the kids!

They have several machines that take pictures or draw sketches of your kids and even a new one that prints their pics on a "credit or ID card" (see below). All the games, machines and rides are 1token! Since I belong to the online CEC club I get half price coupons in my email box every month! For less than 20 dollars I get a large pizza anyway I want it, 4 drinks, and 50 tokens! They 20 free tokens for their birthday month, tokens for good grades, tokens for hour of reading... the list goes on and on!

This is my favorite place for a play date! The kids have fun and I love challenging my friends to skeeball, basketball, baseball (or whatever) matches too! Plus everyone gets to pick prizes with their tickets before they go! They have "ticket muncher" machines that count your tickets up for you in a fun and easy manner... what's not to love! The kids cannot get out of the building without someone checking to make sure that their hand stamp exactly matches yours... so you know they are safe and can let them run free without counting heads every other second!

FIVE STARS!!!!!

Therapy.... Oh, I think so

2009-02-28T12:12:00.000-08:00

Ok... so I went to my first "meeting" with my "group" and I got my "workbook" (sorry I seem to be loving the punctuation today!) and I knew right away I couldn't use it. It was one of those workbooks that are soft covered where you can only fill in the answers if you fold the cover back and wrinkle the spine to death. The book looks like garbage and your handwriting looks terrible because you can't lay it flat. So... I took it to Kinko's and had them cut the spine off and punch holes in the pages ( but not the covers... so I could slip them in the clear liner of the three ring binder). I had to ask if they had white binders because I don't care for the black ones. With a three ring binder I could add pages if I needed to.

Ready for the punchline? Here it comes.... After I explained all of this to the poor women behind the counter and sighed a huge sigh of relief when I had finished assembling my "new" workbook, I thanked her profusely and jaunted (yes, I use the word jaunted) out to my car...

I finally read the cover of the book (now resting comfortably in the clear sheath of the new, white, three ring binder) for the first time.

LOL!!!!!

I hope she got as big of a laugh out of this as I did! People, if you can't laugh at yourself...

Enter Chicken George...

2009-02-26T07:20:00.000-08:00

The chicks are growing everyday... and yes, that scares me a little (maybe a lot) because we don't have the outside stuff done yet. As you can see they are getting their first feathers...

Chicken George (Ben named him) is our resident rooster. He is the dark one in the middle and we are 90% sure he is a he... I guess you don't really know until they get bigger...

This has been your update from the Kaeding farm... join us again tomorrow for the adventures of Chicken George...

Here a chick there a chick...

2009-02-21T14:11:00.000-08:00

I am now living with my family of 6 and 16 baby chickens! Now we've really gone and done it! LOL We bought 12 layers to start and 4 for meat... we will go back for the rooster later this week. The children are so excited it is a little frightening.

They have to stay inside under a heat lamp for the first 2-3 weeks and then we will be able to move them out to the hen house. That also gives us a couple weekends to build a "coop" area next to the hen house for the feeders. YEE HAW!!!

Schweitzer with little Whitehouse on the side...

2009-02-17T07:26:00.000-08:00

We went skiing up at Schweitzer with my brother Darin and his two kids and my oldest brother Danny's daughter. Our family skied the first two days with them and it was Trinity's first year up! We had a blast!

Of course we had to stop for dinner at the Whitehouse Grill after the first day and even with reservations we didn't get seated for over an hour and a half! Raci felt so bad he kept making us appetizers while we waited (we were almost full before we started LOL)!
Ben and BJ

My crazy California brother in a t-shirt... on the mountain... LOL
My parents always said it was like raising twins 10 years apart... we do everything the same way eat, sleep, talk, laugh... it's a little crazy! I adore him!

D.J. and B.J

Lacey, Raven and Alexys

Happy Birthday Jedidiah!

2009-02-09T07:05:00.000-08:00

Jedidiah had a Blue's Clues party for his big #3 and I must say it was the funnest (and cheapest) one yet!

We decorated with streamers, balloons, confetti and his pet Blue dog. Then big sister Raven colored and cut out three paw prints and even made him a Handy Dandy Notebook. Then we played Blue's Clues by putting the paw prints on three things (she helped him draw them in his notebook) while we sang all of the songs that go with the different parts of the show.

He ended up figuring out that Blue wanted to celebrate Jedi's birthday and so we had paw print cookies and opened presents. It was so fun and he just loved it. My favorite part was watching my bigger kids plan out the game for him and help him through! Trinity even played the part of Mailbox and gave him a birthday card during the song!

Here he is just chillin' out in his "thinking chair" and enjoying the spoils!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEDIDIAH!

It's official...

2009-02-09T06:58:00.000-08:00

Now I am a real cowgirl... and I have the boots to prove it! My gift from my hubby and kids for Christmas was a gift card to the Big R so that I could get boots and it took me forever to make up my bloody mind but this is the end result. I have been wearing them for a week and they are so comfortable and easy to walk in that I am kickin' myself for not pickin' sooner!

One bedroom, one bath???!!!

2009-01-19T08:27:00.000-08:00

Not anymore folks! Our one bedroom, one bath is now officially a three bedroom, two bath house! We finished the rooms last Friday and spent Saturday cleaning and bringing up the furniture. Saturday night was the first night the kids slept in them (that means they were camping for exactly two months... better than the three we quoted them) and they could not have been happier to have beds.... real beds! There is a whole new kind of grateful around here! These are photos of the unfinished loft before...

At the top of the stairs we put an organizer with big roomy drawers and hooks for the kids to hang their coats and keep their hats, gloves and that sort of thing away from the front door. Then you turn left and there is an "entrance way" area between their rooms.

This is the girls room (the east side of the room)

The bathroom is "jack and jill" style with doors from both bedrooms so they will all share. We did chose to put a vanity in the girls room as well so that as they grow older they will not have to use the shared space for hair and make-up (yeah, my boys are going to love me for that later!).

The Boys room (west side of the space).

The slider has been screwed in and barred with solid wood. We are planning to replace it all together this spring with something that scares me less but I am confident that it is secure and safe for the time being and the view is absolutely spectacular!

This concludes our tour... I hope you have enjoyed this episode of little cabin in the woods and we look forward to seeing you again soon (the master is next)!

Dinner for two...

2009-01-16T17:38:00.001-08:00

So... after having dinner for 9 around the table last night, Ben and I are having dinner for two tonight while the kids stay with grandma and grandpa.

Mimosas served with a strawberry salad (look familiar book club? LOL). The salad has fresh strawberries, grilled chicken, feta, croutons and is topped with my "getting to be famous" strawberry mustard vinaigrette.

After dinner we will be finishing and perhaps even assembling the kids rooms! Just some last minute painting (doors) and fixture stuff to do and they will be move in ready! Look for the pics hopefully this weekend!!!

AAAHHH!!!!

2009-01-12T13:06:00.000-08:00

No, I don't mean that in the relaxing way! I finally found my ipod shuffle (in the bottom of a tote of BJ's stuff care of Jedi I am sure) and attempted to download a bunch of new stuff onto it. I received itunes from Miss Em for Christmas and was excited to use them... until! I don't know why I find it so stinking hard to sync an ipod but people I am telling you! Two hours of my time... and yes I finally got them on there (or I think I did... I have a shuffle, no screen ergo, no way to really know) but I am emotionally exhausted once again by my technology.

Home...

2009-01-02T11:54:00.000-08:00

I live here.... this is what I see when I open my door and walk out on the deck (yes, the one with no railing lol).

Everybody's Doing It...

2009-01-02T08:47:00.000-08:00

I think I am one of the last hold outs to put up "look at how much snow we have photos" but this one was pretty good so here's mine....

If you look closely you will see...

Ben's Dodge Ram... Yes, it is a full size, big truck folks!

We got another 5 inches last night which bring our current total to 51". Yes, you read that right. We have 51 inches of snow on the ground currently in Elk Wa.

A River Runs Through It...

2008-12-26T14:52:00.000-08:00

A river of snow that is! We were awakened on Christmas morning to a rumble and cracking so loud it was a little scary. We looked out the window just in time to see a river of snow come sliding off our roof that swept the log railing away with it like it was made of toothpicks!

The long awaited Kitchen pictures!

2008-12-17T14:19:00.001-08:00

What do you do on the second night in a new house? You rip out the kitchen of course! This is what it looked like in all of it's Marigold colored glory! The cabinets were made of the same wood as the logs... and the counter was faux wood... I basically felt like the bride of Woodywoodpecker!

We painted the cabinets black and put in a speckled gray countertop with a stainless sink and new dishwasher (that didn't leak!).

The Stove had barely been used but was... Marigold so...

I painted it. No, I am not kidding, I painted it with appliance paint! I personally think it turned out great and cost me $6.48!

This is my very large pantry but if you can't see it, it is because it is camophloged with the logs! LOL

Much better! (In my opinion anyway)

I felt like the cabinets up top really boxed off the kitchen from the great room so...

We took the small one down and re-hung it in another part of the kitchen making it more open and adding a whole other section to the kitchen. For those of you who think you recognize the little rolly cart you are not mistaken. It is the same inexpensive rolly cart that I had in the other house but we painted it black too and then used some leftover countertop on it to make the match just right!

I decied to leave the other upper cabinet as the area behind it will eventually be part of the master and it will be a hallway so it will not be blocking anything and will give me more room to hang pictures later. I took the sliding plexy glass doors off and left them open to provide easy access to my dishes and spices (I think it looks great with the all white dishes).

The kitchen is about three times the size of my old one and I love it. It really stands out now as a room of it's own instead of dissapearing into the solid wood vortex! I bought the dishwasher and stovetop on sale at Sears and with all supplies the grand total for this remodel.... $650.00! Not bad eh?

I Got My Wish.... It Shocked Me Anyway!

2008-12-17T13:13:00.000-08:00

I spent the morning on the phone trying to figure out where to pay all the bills and getting the addresses changed and all that good stuff that comes on the tail of moving. Most calls were just endless journeys through automated phone systems (which I think are just shy of evil) and digitally voiced prompts. Then it happened. I called the new power company to figure out what the "bill" they sent me was supposed to mean.

They had sent me an application for membership and a "bill" with no amount. My first shock was that a person... a real person.... answered my call and asked how they could help me. I explained what I had received and he told me that up here in Elk the power company is a non-profit and is mutually owned by all the residence. My ten dollar one time fee was to add me to the account that now makes up share holders along with everyone else. Weird but this is not the shocking part I was referring to. Next he explains that the amount wasn't on the bill because you get charged after the usage each month and that the blank was to fill in the number on my meeter.

Here comes the shock, are you ready? You're not really ready, you just think you are LOL! My bill is paid "on the honor system" I am to try to read my meeter about the same time each month and then mail in the new slip with the new reading and the payment for last month. They only check the meeter if a house is sold for legal purposes. I asked if people ever skunk out and he said "Never that I have heard of. Sometimes people have trouble paying but the community usually gets together to help out". Go ahead, read it again... that is really what I just said!
This phone call comes on the tail of me chuckling to myself over the FOUR page spread in the Elk Sentinel (our local paper) with 4X6 photos of each child 9-16 who got their first deer this year (holding up the antlers... with the deer still attached mind you LOL). I feel like I am living on the set of Little House on the Prairie! My friend Leslie is right... I have teleported back to the 1950's and I couldn't be happier!

The top picture is our house from the S. W. and the bottom one is from the East

Fun with a chainsaw...

2008-11-17T22:02:00.000-08:00

So, this was the view from our back deck before Ben got a chainsaw...

And this is the view from our back deck after Ben got a chainsaw! Much better view!

Firewood anyone...? We waited all of one night in our new house to completely rip out the kitchen and two whole nights to cut down six huge trees. The neighbors must be scared at this point. Oh well, this is how we role. LOL The kids are doing well and we are... adjusting to our new adventure one and all! Even with some interesting and very untimely setbacks, it looks like we will be done with the kitchen in less than a week so, look forward to some wild before and after shots. They will leave this one looking a little tame!

A long road ahead...

2008-11-10T06:45:00.000-08:00

This is our new driveway. You can just barely see the house up there just to the left of it. In the spring this will be a million shades of green. I am sitting here in my chair trying not to go out of my mind not being up there already!

We had the walk through with the people buying our house Sunday morning. Actually, since it is now Monday morning, they own this house and we are renters! We are picking up the truck today and moving tomorrow. It has been such a long road getting here but it is really happening! This has been our dream literally since we got married almost fourteen years ago and I am in a state of shock that it is about to become our reality. The people who built it and lived in it until now, are a Christian family too. In fact, one of the grown sons and his wife are teachers at a home school program like the one that our kids attend here in town. Up there however, it is a full size school as there are even more home school families in that area then in Spokane.

I will not have a computer for a good week I am sure (so we will see how deep this addiction has really gone) but I will be back with a vengeance and lots of pictures of updates when I return. Now this driveway is my long road ahead and I couldn't be more grateful or excited if I tried!

EXPELLED

2008-11-06T07:23:00.000-08:00

If you can, please take the time to watch the Ben Stein movie EXPELLED. It is a very good movie and makes the truth of the situation very clear. If you can do nothing else, please do this...

Go to this site and sign the petition. You will be asked to fill in your information and then an e-mail will be sent to you. Once you click on the link in the e-mail your name is added to the petition and you will not receive anything else from them unless you ask to.

www.academicfreedompetition.com By signing the petition on this site you are telling law makers that you believe that we should have freedom of speech in Science. You will tell them that there are no bad questions and that we, as well as children in school, should be able to talk about Intelligent Design, Creation Theory OR Evolution. Not just one or the other.

This man has a voice that the scientific community will not be able to ignore the way that it has chosen to so many before. I truly believe this petition could make a huge difference. Please consider taking the time to sign. There is so much at stake. Thank you.

Seven

2008-11-03T14:27:00.000-08:00

I was tagged by Everyday Life to write seven random things about me. I am now sad and slightly embarrassed because I so don't know how to do the different color "linky thing" yet and it is oh, so obvious now! You win some you lose some... but at least I was invited to the game so... here goes! LOL

1. My name was supposed to be Melissa. I am the youngest of 5 and the only girl (yes, I speak spoiled fluently) and my mother was positive I was a boy while my brothers were convinced I would be a girl. While my mom was desperately trying to think of a girl name in the room, my brothers were out in the hall telling the nurse my name was Amy. When they wheeled me back in the room to my mom, baby girl McCoy had already been replaced by Amy Marie McCoy! My mom was so glad the boys were happy that she just left it!

2. I married my husband during senior year in high school while I was still 17. We skipped school on a Friday and my parents drove us to Idaho and signed the papers. On Monday we went back to school as a married couple.

3. I read an average of 200 pages a day. I love to read and always have.

4. I have never colored my hair... not even for Halloween.

5. When I was little I was in a Christmas production at our church every year in the month of December. We did 23 shows a year with 3,000 seats at each show. Some times they even had to go into the overflow seating. I got to do solos, studio recordings and dancing. It was really a wonderful way to spend the season. My favorite part was hearing how many people responded to the alter call every night before we went home.

6. I am a karaoke junky and I am toying with the idea of trying live stand up... yeah, I'm serious!

7. My nicknames are "the Entertainment" (Katrina),
"Marshmallow" (Jen & Nikki),
"Orange" Dad,
"Braveheart" (Moe) and
"the world most misunderstood person" (Leslie)

Still haven't missed one...

2008-10-29T22:35:00.000-07:00

I am still a record holder (in my mind anyway) and have not missed an Amy Grant tour since Age to Age! This one was so amazing for me as she only did songs recorded prior to 1988. This was an anniversary tour and with each song, memories of a lifetime washed over my mind's eye. She was with the original band from that tour, which was really cool. Most have made names for themselves now but still did this tour with her. I will be digging out all the old albums and will clearly need to re-purchase some of them since many are on tape... LOL! Regardless, I still remembered every word to every song!

At the end of the show she sang several new songs that she has written while on this tour... just her and her guitar... wow, is all I can say. I was sobbing like a baby (which I generally avoid like the plague... and yet) and for good reason. I will run (not even jog) to get the next album if these songs are on it (who am I kidding, I will anyway).

My only sad note on this one, is that my husband married a stalker... and I did not. I know which hotel she stayed at and she made a comment during the show that she had to be in the lobby at 4:30 tomorrow morning to leave for the airport... and I would have been sitting in that lobby all night with a heartfelt letter of thanks, in hopes of being able to give it to her... but SOMEBODY thinks that that is socially unacceptable. Now you all know why I wanted to go alone. At least we had the sweetest seats in the house... or maybe I would have come home alone! LOL What? I am mostly kidding!

Kaeding Decision 08' ...

2008-10-24T07:01:00.000-07:00

While most are focused on the national election we have been deep into our personal Decision 08' as to where we are moving. The sold sign is up, the requested repairs have been made... now where do we go? The inspection on the house in Elk went really well and we had a long talk with our kids and each other last night and we have our "final answer". We are moving to the log house in Elk Washington!

For some of you this is a longer drive and somewhat of an inconvenience but please know that we did take all of that into consideration. This is what we have dreamed about for so long and I still can hardly believe it is going to happen. We had the house inspected by two professionals and they both found the house to be structurally sound and very few things in need of actual repair. The things that do need repair, we are very capable of doing and are not concerned about. The logs are in great condition and have finished settling which is a very big deal when it comes to log homes.

So... get ready for some twisted-fun before and after shots as we tackle each new project! Thank you everyone for your prayers, affection and blatant patience as we have wrestled with this. Moving day is November 13th, 2008. Decision made.

My secret nightlife...

2008-10-20T09:25:00.000-07:00

Bed time... and I was back up at 4:00

Most of you know that I don't sleep the amount of hours recommended by well... anyone! What you may not know is how low the number actually is. Drum roll please... I sleep between 2 and 6 hours a night. I literally cannot sleep more than that. When I get really stressed or excited, the number can drop to under 2 for a few days in a row. The thing that makes it crazy is that that is really all I need. Even as a kid, that is all I needed to sleep.

My poor husband does not have the same malfunction and he has had to learn to love me through it. He is used to waking up without me in bed or being woken up with me getting in our out of bed throughout the night. To make matters worse, I prefer to sleep with all the lights on and some form of noise (t.v., radio... the louder the better) and he is a deep, black, silent room kind of guy! LOL

I don't think it is insomnia because I am fully functioning and surprisingly good humored as a rule. From what I understand people who suffer from insomnia are well... happiness challenged. My son says that it makes me a little hard to live with but great to vacation with! I think he really did mean it as a compliment! So don't be a hater... I just have more hours in my day than everybody else!

We have made an offer!

2008-10-15T07:10:00.001-07:00

We have made an official offer on the house in Elk that we fell in love with 6 months ago. It went down in price the same weekend that we got and accepted an offer on our house and that says a lot to me. For those unfamiliar with the area, Elk is north of Spokane on Hwy 2. It will take Ben about 40 min. to get home from work instead of 20 but he is more than happy to do so to be in this house and out of the city (all of the Seattle folk are chuckling that 40 min. is even an issue but around here that is like FOREVER for a commute LOL).

This is the view of the house when you get to the end of the driveway and turn left. It is not too visible from the road but you can see it if you really look. The driveway goes up the side of the 10 acre field that is also part of the property. The house is on the 5 acres of treed property on the rise over looking the pasture. We are planning on re-staining in the spring and finishing the bottom half of the house with the rounded stone rock facing. The house needs a lot of work but the bones look great. We will feel better once we have an inspection mind you but we are feeling good about it. That is the front door that is open in the picture above and this is the main floor living/dinning looking into the kitchen.
This is looking down from the loft steps at the doors going out to the deck. That is where I was standing to get the picture above.
The loft is 600 sq. ft and has windows all around. Looking east you have a perfect view of Mt. Spokane and looking west is a valley with the mountains in the background.
Ahh yes, the basement.... it is unfinished. It is 1200 sq. feet and has a bathroom plumbed so it is not as bad as it seems! LOL it is insulated and mostly cement so it should be a pretty easy finish... don't get scared, we are project people and I swear in a year this place will knock your socks off!

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Is today the big day?

2008-10-14T07:05:00.001-07:00

We are going out with the realtor today to look... one more time... at all the places we have looked before and a few new ones. We really believe that we know which house we want but this could indeed be the day that we make an offer. I am scared, excited, freaked and giddy... all at the same time! The majority of our close friends and family think we are absolutely insane and I hope they are right. Some people feel the most alive when they are risking it all on a dream. I am one of those people and I am so glad that Ben is too!

We actually turned down one house because it was all done. The work was all done. A place for everything and everything in it's place. That would have been a bummer. We are looking forward to the work. We want to get our hands dirty and work side by side on building something together! This is our new home and we want our fingerprints all over it!

Gather round the table...

2008-10-10T07:42:00.000-07:00

My husband said that this needed to go on my blog so... here goes! This is what we had for dinner last night. It is a ginger/lime chicken stir fry served over coconut/jasmine rice, topped with sliced cabbage and cashews.

This is a very typical dinner at our house. I love to cook and have a very hard time when children come over and won't partake of any food that is not fried or covered in cheese. Below is a picture of my 2 year old son digging in. I think it is because they have never been given a choice of what they will or will not eat, that they are not picky. We exposed them to all the food that we love and welcomed them at the table with us. We eat together at the table for every meal that we eat at home. When we have guests, we try very hard to not have a "kid" table but rather, smoosh together around one.

The kids all like to try their hand at the chopsticks when we eat Asian or Thai. It is fun to watch them give it a shot. Jedi gave it up after about 5 minutes this time and went for the good ol' American fork!
I have tried very hard to teach my kids that when you go to some one's home for a meal, you are to eat it. Someone went to the trouble to cook for you and you will eat it and say a gracious thank you. Even the popular "polite bite" is offensive to me. Why would you tell your child to force down one bite of something (usually while making a face) and then "politely" refuse to eat anymore! I am blogging this because so many times I have heard moms tell me that their little ones would "never eat that" when we have tried to exchange recipes and it frustrates me! If they see you eat it and enjoy it... sure they would! I believe we create picky eaters by telling them what they "would and would not" like. Children are natural imitators. Raise the bar.. they will rise to meet it!

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The Making of Mr. and Mrs. Aldana...

2008-10-07T11:53:00.000-07:00

Two of my lovely sister -in-laws... Sara and Emily

I have been told that it was near unpardonable manners for me to so involve others in my getting ready for Miss Emily's wedding and then say literally nothing of the outcome. I beg your pardon and mercy and I will now attempt to set things right.

We had the bridal shower at my house and it went very well. After dinner we reverted to vulgar games and the giving of much naughty lingerie and so it was a bachelorette party of sorts as well. One week later it was time for the rehearsal dinner which thankfully only involved minimal crying and only one actual fight in the parking lot. Not bad at all with that much family involved.

The wedding itself was beautiful! BJ played the piano for the prelude, party march and brides entry. He did an amazing job and impressed everyone with his combination of humility and incredible talent. I have no idea how I came to be the mother of such a wonderful child but I am so grateful. The reception was at Mukagawa (for those non-Spokanites it is a former Army fort turned exchange student housing for Moody Bible Institute) and I saved the day by driving (partially the wrong way on a one way street but hey doesn't everyone) to the nearest liquor store to purchase the license that we were supposed to have gotten beforehand. They were so accommodating that when they confiscated the liquor they kept it in the fridge for me until I got back! Now that is service folks!

At the end of the day they were officially Mr. and Mrs. Romano Aldana and looked every bit the adoring, over the moon, made for each other, bride and groom. May they live happily ever after.

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This is what I wanted.... right...?

2008-10-05T21:02:00.000-07:00

We got an offer on the house. This is the call that I have been waiting for and so why did my little heart gasp when I heard these words? I am a freezer. Not the kind that you store your deer meat in.... but that is what I do.... I freeze. I don't so much like change. We have made a counter offer and so they have 24 hours to say yes or no. This is going to be a long night, I can feel it.

Why is it that I can be so sure about things until they might actually happen and then I have a nervous breakdown just thinking about them happening? The most pathetic part is that when I think about staying here... I just feel so sad. When I think about leaving here, I start having palpitations! At least I have really solid reasons for this sudden emotion. For instance, I have recently ordered a lot of samples and they are coming to this address. What if I never get my free sample of Gain or Crest? What if we move out to the country and a coyote eats Jedi? See what I mean?! (stop laughing, I am really freaking out here!) Moral support on isle 3 please! Is this really the last month I will clean these bathrooms?

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The Dress...

2008-10-01T07:00:00.001-07:00

I had to buy another dress. This seems like a simple statement but it isn't. I am in my sister in laws wedding this weekend and we all went dress shopping about six weeks ago and picked out our dresses. The one I really liked I though was a bit pricey and so I went home and ordered a similar style but smaller price tag from the web site. Being a good little mommy I did not open it when it came because I didn't want anything (or anyone of my children) to happen to it!

When I took it out to hang it up this week before the wedding... it didn't fit. I then proceeded to go to my friends house so she could help me MAKE IT FIT. If you know what I mean. LOL Then we went to the shop and used the bra of wonders and it did make it fit... but it didn't look so good! I had to buy another dress. They don't do returns! I am so angry at myself I cannot even tell you. The weird thing is the same size dresses all fit me at the store! AHHH! To add insult to injury, which dress did I end up buying? You guessed it THE ONE I WANTED IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!

Being in someone else's wedding is almost as expensive as being in our own! Between my double dress nightmare, Ben's tux, the shower and all the family coming to town.... have mercy people!

As always leave comments @ www.amykaeding.blogspot.com

Getting all political?

2008-09-30T07:00:00.000-07:00

I am sorry, but if I don't say something I am going to have some sort of breakdown people. I believe the Bible is true... all of it. ALL OF IT! The Bible says nothing about financial planing or budget distribution on a national level. It says nothing about equal rights for everyone without distinction (in fact to be honest it talks a lot about the fact that the only real freedom you have is in Christ) or free nationalized health care. It talks pleanty about being ready for battle on a national level as well as a personal one... because you will face enemies.

You know what the Bible does say? It says that a nation (any nation) who allows homosexuality, sexual impurity and murder (whether the victim can be heard screaming as you kill them or not) will not be blessed by God and that he will destroy it. We have the only nation founded on Christianity in the world and we are the most powerful country in the world. Make no mistake, those things go hand in hand.

So don't talk to me about your health care or your beautiful vision of our country getting out of debt (if the population can't budget how can the government?). Explain to me how you support abortion when only 2%-4% are involving rape or incest out of roughly 215 performed EVERY HOUR in our country alone. Tell me how you came to believe that Sodom and Gomorrah is a fairytale and that just parts of the Bible are true! I clearly don't expect my non-christian friends to understand my passion on this subject... it is the ones who say they believe and yet are supporting the death and destruction of all that is sacred in our nation that I am questioning.

I generally keep my political opinions to myself but at this point I just don't understand. I am crying out for the ones who literally can't before they are slain. Read your Bible and show me what I say isn't the Truth!

I Never Went Out When You Were Young...

2008-09-24T07:19:00.000-07:00

"Why do you go out so much? " This is one of my parents favorite questions for me. It is usually coupled with a healthy dose of "Your mother never went out when you kids were young, she was happy at home" and or "What do you need a break from?". I know my parents mean well and I am very blessed to have a husband who knows I need a break and is understanding and supportive of my friendships with other women. It still raises doubts in my head though... I begrudgingly admit. It's not that I don't love my family or that I want to dump my responsibilities on Ben to get "even" for being with the kids all day. I have witnessed women who use "girl's night out" in both of these circumstances and... we're no longer friends. I need time with girlfriends regularly to just be me.

When I am with Ben, I am Ben's wife. When I am with my our kids, I am their mom/teacher. When I am with my girlfriends... I am just Amy. I do not have to think about if anyone likes what I am ordering for dinner because I won't be sharing it. I don't have to count heads or stand in the bathroom for the ten minutes (right after the food comes) because my friends can take care of themselves. I can talk about my feelings and shoes (in the same sentence) and no ones eyes will glaze over before I am done. I can ask "am I crazy or would you have reacted the same way" and get more than a one word answer! LOL

I value my friendships with my girlfriends and I will want and need them even more as my children grow up. I want to set a good example for my kids that friendships take time and energy to grow. I need to have time to continue and explore the things about me that made Ben like me enough to want to share a life with me and maybe even find some new interests! I tell my kids regularly that I am a wife and a mother because I wanted to be not because it was my only option. It is important for me that they understand that they are my priority right now but my life does not revolve around them. I know first hand how much pressure that can put on a child (especially a grown one).

So... I go out. Once a week if at all possible, with my girlfriends and we laugh, talk, eat, talk, shop, talk, maybe see a movie and then talk about it. LOL Afterward I come home refreshed, and a better mom and wife.

I think I am sensing a theme here...

2008-09-19T08:51:00.001-07:00

I went shopping yesterday and I fell in love with these green heeled loafers. After a quick call to my friend Leslie to get me through the "should I or shouldn't I buy it" blues, I did indeed purchase them. I have a hard time paying $20 for shoes for me. I have a hard time buying anything for me actually. Leslie suffers from the same disease and so if she gives me the go ahead, it is probably a good decision. Anyway, back to the point at hand... I thought that my favorite color was deeply grey blue but I am starting to wonder, due to the massive evidence that I may have crossed over to olive green! I now have a stunningly matching set (seeing as how none of these were purchased together or even at the same store) of olive green accessories. My purse, bible cover and cute new shoes will put me in the full on fashion-ista category at church for sure! This Sunday I will look like someone who should be "ushered in". LOL

The Sunne In Splendour

2008-09-18T07:58:00.000-07:00

I had book club this week and it was really fun just to reconnect with everyone after the long summer. Our book was "The Sunne In Splendour" by Sharon Kay Penman and was based on the lives of King Edward and his brother the famous King Richard III. We selected our next book and I have ordered it from the library but they are all currently out so... it could be a week or two before I get my little hands on it. If you are in the mood to join us the selection is "A Little Trouble With The Facts" by Nina Siegal.

I read an average of 200 pages a day. My average has been down as of late because I packed all of my books a few months ago (along with almost everything else in the house) with the expectation of moving. We have still not sold the house and soon I will begin unpacking. Frustrating yes, end of the world, no. I need to read. Some people just don't feel that need and I find that so strange. I grew up in a house of readers. We were all camped out in corners from time to time with a good book. My husband has read three I think, since we have been married. We have been married for over 13 years. So I posted a poll about the last time you read for pleasure and I am truly curious what the average is.

The Whitehouse Grill

2008-09-12T07:18:00.000-07:00

I apparently have two kinds of friends... those who have been to the Whitehouse (most of them, with me) and those who have no idea what it is... or where... or why on earth I fly out there like a homing pigeon nearly ever Friday night. So I have decided to blog the 411, give you the down low, bring ya'll up to speed, fill in the blanks, explain myself...ok, that one isn't even possible in the English language LOL!

The Whitehouse Grill is a restaurant located in Post Falls Idaho. It is owned by a wonderful Turkish man (God bless the horrible map maker who got him lost in Post Falls of all places) named Raci. He is also the head chef. The restaurant used to be in a little white house that is half a block from it's current location. That little white house is now the Oval Office Martini Bar, which Raci also owns. You can actually watch him run down the alley twice every night between them to check on the Oval Office staff. He spends most of his time in the Whitehouse however as it is his true love.

What makes this restaurant so fabulous you ask?

They are not open on Sundays(a rarity, that makes me smile). They close for the entire fourth of July weekend every year with the staff PAID because Raci feels it is so important to celebrate being an American. They close for one week a year with the staff again PAID while he travels home to visit family. If he is not there to supervise... they don't open (I should add however that although he comes to do all the prep and inspect deliveries on Mondays, he is not in the kitchen that day and sadly, you can tell). Thanks to all of these things you can count on good friendly service every time because the staff adores him. The food is top notch every time because nothing leaves that kitchen without his approval. This is the restaurant we take guest to, celebrate in, and go to to relax because we never leave disappointed. At this point there are only two things left on the menu we haven't tried and I can say that there are no bad choices. Order anything and you will leave totally happy. If you only order one thing however make sure it is the Sea Bass as I believe God actually created it just for Raci. He looked down and thought... now I will make a fish just for my little Raci and poof... Sea Bass.

So there you go... Now you know.

Sailing, Sailing, over the ocean blue...

2008-09-10T07:28:00.001-07:00

I pulled an Amy again! LOL My husband had Labor Day off and as we were sitting around the breakfast table talking about what we wanted to do as a family for the day... it happened. I got one of those crazy ideas in my head and well, we all know how those end. I told Ben that what I really wanted to do was go sailing in the San Juans for a week. That was at 8:27 am. We called Ben's dad (who lives on a 45 foot sail boat in Poulsbo) and asked if it was alright if we came. That was at 8:35 am. Ben then called the owner of the company he works for at home and asked if he could take the week off. That was at 8:50am. By 9:24 all six of us were packed and in the car driving away. I believe we broke some kind of record by doing this and will gladly except prizes! We drove across state and took the ferry to Bainbridge, drove to Poulsbo and were on the boat by 6pm. We spent the first night in harbor and walked into Poulsbo in the morning for breakfast goodies (they are somewhat famous for their bakery) and some supplies food wise (yes, and wine... LOL) and set sail that afternoon.
Our first stop was Kingston Harbor and we stayed the night and shoved off first thing in the morning for Friday Harbor. We took some time to walk around the town and went again in the morning to have fresh beer bread and stiff coffee for breakfast and headed out to sea again.
Next we sailed out to Jones Island. This was a favorite destination for Ben as a kid and so it was extra special for the kids to get to go. We moored on a buoy and went ashore in the dingy (a few at time) and walked all over the island. The island is inhabited by many deer and they will come right up to you and let you pet them and feed them. It was so cool!

After all that nature it was time for some city... well technically Orcas is a city... LOL! We sailed up to the city of Orcas on Orcas Island and went to the ONLY restaurant in town. We dinned on fish and chips of course, some calamari and a couple cold beers and we were headed back to the boat for the night. This was my favorite night of the trip because I sat out under the stars with the kids and talked for hours.

We decided to head home by making the loop around Orcas Island and back down the other side of the San Juans. We saw dolporpises (close to a dolphin but a little darker), seals galore and even a nuclear sub! Behind Ben you can see the famed Deception Pass and I even got a glimpse of Camp Casey (where I went for sixth grade camp).
As we came into Port Townsend for our last night at sea we were surrounded by huge ships on every side. It was their wooden boat celebration weekend and the harbor looked like a scene from out of a pirate movie! There were about a hundred sail boat with their sails unfurled, some schooners with 6-8 sails each and even a few pirate ships. It was an awesome site. All good things must come to an end however and after a week on the blue, we headed back home.
This was a wonderful trip and the spontaneity of it just made it more fun. As my son BJ put it... "sometimes it is hard to live with someone as crazy as you mom but you sure are great to vacation with!" Ah, from the mouths of babes!

Flashback... but in a good way!

2008-08-26T07:04:00.000-07:00

I have been putting my stalking skills to use as of late to locate some of the people I went to private school with (2nd -7th grade). I have managed to find almost all of them... the ones I want to find (some things are better left in the past) LOL. It is a really weird brain experience to flash forward in that many peoples lives in such a short span of mine. Most of you know that my high school reunion was one of the coolest experiences of my life but this is totally different. All of these people are Christians. It is so amazing to me how easily I feel I could relate to them and we could fit into each others lives again. It is a real life example to my heart that we truly are family.

Humorist...hmmm

2008-08-19T08:53:00.000-07:00

Although I work like a dog on most days, I have no employable title. I have seen quite a bit of this word humorist as of late. As I have done a little more digging I have discovered that if I had to hold a day job (which of course it has been proven repeatedly, 17 times in fact, that I cannot) this one suits me well I dare say. If there really is a tax ID number for an occupation like this sign me up. Of course the next question becomes who on earth pays your salary for this sort of thing? With my understanding of our government and social economic structure I would automatically think.... taxpayers of course! So, would it be a federal grant that I could apply for or maybe.... Oh, oh, I've got it! I will keep track of my billable hours (aka time spent amusing those around me using only my seemingly boundless vocabulary, tireless work ethic and near perfect comedic timing) and bill the city for.... a city beautification project! I think I'm gonna need a permit for this.

My son is a verbalist...

2008-08-18T07:17:00.000-07:00

That was no grammatical error. I didn't mean he is verbal... he is a verbalist. For some unknown reason our smallest child (2 yr.) has decided that verbs are the words he likes the best and nouns can take a hike. Each animal is referred to with it's sound. A horse is a "neigh", a bird a "caw caw", a sword "hiya!" and so on. He refers to his shoes as "on's" and all cars (except buses) are "bye bye's". Even the people in his life are referred to by the sound they make or what they do for him. That has perhaps been the funniest of all, to see what he gets out of his relationship with you. His 6 year old sister is "why" (if you have had a six year old you get the joke). His 12 year old brother is "what" (if you have had a twelve year old you get this one too!)

In actuality, I suppose it makes sense. It has made me pay far more attention to the things that he notices because he tends to point out the obvious that we take for granted. It makes for an entertaining time trying to figure out what he means (or whom). The strangest part of it all is that the rest of his speech is developing quite normally. He will ask "can I have one... please?" or "thank you, oh, it's so yummy". All other parts of speech are being used correctly. It really is bizarre but I am not anxious for it to pass as it is pretty stinkin' cute!

She leaving me... us

2008-08-13T10:09:00.000-07:00

So one of my little nieces was sent up here to Spokaneland for the summer. She has been staying out with my parents and any time I can get my hands on her, with us. Her last day with us will be Friday (she has demanded one more night at the Whitehouse for dinner and I am happy to oblige), as she flies back early Saturday morning. Her father and I are... very similar creatures (understatement of the century I know). For this reason I am a quick study on her and she is an equally quick study on me. At first she said having so much family around was a little overwhelming and now she is scarred of how lonely a three person household will feel upon her return. She has reawakened all the love and passion I have for teenagers. I have long had a deep respect and affection for those the between the ages of 13 and 18. It is such an amazing age. Never again do you love, hate, burn, or give the way that you do in this brief window of life.

As we get older we learn with each relationship and each experience to give a little less of ourselves and out trust. With age comes wisdom and caution but it comes with a rather large price tag. We tend to loose our joy and passion. I feel that so much of the teenage angst for lack of a better term, comes because we try to keep teenagers children too long. As my niece so competently said it "there is a difference between childhood and childishness". In the past a 15 year old girl would generally be married, running a household and caring for her husband and family. Our bodies and minds are made to do so. The trouble comes in trying to prolong the childhood phase with people who are no longer children. No wonder they fight so hard for we are going against the design of nature and God's timetable. We tell them to grow up, take responsibility for their actions, think for themselves and then within the same breath tell them we are responsible for them and they will do what we say when we say and how we say and are surprised when they act out with childish behavior.

When it comes to sexuality I see even more evidence that we are making a mistake in timing. Having been married at 17 clearly colors my opinion I suppose. We were married in Idaho at the Hitching Post because we could not find a pastor who would marry us (with me under 18) unless I was pregnant. They wanted me to have more experience dating and better know what I wanted in a mate. What a twisted theory. The more people you have romantic relationships with the better the chances that you will end up in trouble (or now a days... dead). Not to mention the more people you have later to compare your spouse to (and any honest married person will tell you this isn't a helpful tool most of the time). With the kind of passion and die hard stubborn loyalty that teenage relationships are famous for, I cannot help but believe that if they we nurtured and cemented instead of made fun of and or treated as forbidden they would stand a much better chance of lasting a lifetime then our modern day idea of settling down after you have done everything you can to make yourself happy for years and wondering why sacrifice and submission don't feel like a good fit.

My opinions don't make me popular with the parents of teenagers and I have been told that I would be an unwelcome volunteer with youth groups but I think that's sad. It is only in recent western history that we have become so self centered that we look at marriage as something to put off until you have had your fun and are ready to give up the good life. Ben and I grew up together. Our relationship was forged through the experiences that we went through together. The things other people would have fought about we laughed at because we were to young and inexperienced to know any "better". Who am I kidding we still do! When we talked about getting married during senior year (yes, of high school) we decided that it would work out just fine because we were physically attracted to each other (couldn't keep our hands off each other) and we both loved the Lord and wanted to serve him faithfully. That was it. That was our big list of pros. We had been dating for three weeks. We were right. We still can't keep our hands off each other and because we pray together for our marriage and we serve a God who loves marriage and desires to see it succeed, it works. It would have worked at any age. We pray and He does the rest.

I think our relationship with the Lord suffers from the same mental shift in society. The Bible tells us to come to Him with the heart of a child. When we look at a child's love as silly and childish we close our hearts to God. If you come to your marriage with the heart of a child it too will be blessed by God. Notice I didn't say with a solid career path, a five year plan or financial security. They won't get you any further with your marriage than they will with Jesus.

This house...

2008-07-30T07:16:00.000-07:00

I am now sure that we have done just about everything possible to improve the chances of this house selling and must now wait. If I had a dime for every person who has given me that precious look and said... maybe you're just not supposed to move... I would be rich and just as irritated. I am oh, so very aware that it looks bad... but I am also so very aware that God has given Ben and I the same dream and the same feeling of urging that this is the time and not to give up.

What is it that has convinced people that if it is difficult to accomplish or takes longer than you had penciled into your day timer to happen, that it must not be God's plan. Have you read the Bible? There is (usually but not now because we have taken everything unnecessary down) a sign in my kitchen that says " CAUTION: If the going gets easy... you may be headed downhill". I have been unpleasantly surprised by the amount of believers that think if it all just goes together without a hitch that God was in it... and that the harder it is the more likely you're out of his will. I am inclined through personal experience and reading the Word to completely disagree. LOL.

And so, we wait! Don't get me wrong, I don't want to move if that is not what God has for us and I believe that He is in control. I just know that nothing good comes easy and the harder the journey the sweeter the homecoming.

My Father Is Turning Orange

2008-07-27T12:43:00.001-07:00

I was raised in a household of all or nothing people and we do not do anything halfway (unless the directions actually call for you to stop there). My mother is diabetic and I suggested that she try switching out the fully sugar loaded fruit juice that she usually keeps on hand for the all natural organic carrot juice that has a different kind of sugar and might not affect her as negatively while still giving her the "juice drinking" experience she apparently craves. Needless to say it went the way it usually does, she doesn't do change and my father was all over the new and exciting experience.

This would have been ok if he were a normal person but... he started drinking two bottles (BOTTLES!) a day. I have since convinced him that no more than one bottle a day is even in the psychotic range. In his defence this act of insanity has greatly improved his psoriasis but with one teeny tiny side affect, he is actually turning orange! I have seen this happen with little kids that only eat the Gerber carrots, mac n' cheese, peaches and squash (my friend Julie had to take her daughter to the ER only to find out it was from only eating orange things lol) but never to an adult person. I wanted to include some of the photos I have taken of my parents together lately to prove my point but I still don't know how to include pics on the blog so... (I figured it out! But I bet you already figured that out didn't you now?! LOL) My dad.... and my mum!

Ooooo! A couples charector building project! Yippie!

2008-07-22T22:40:00.000-07:00

For all those of you who have attempted to do a major remodel project with your spouse, you already know where I am going don't you?! LOL For those who have yet to wake up and think "let's put our relationship through the proverbial ringer today!" ... don't.

It started off innocently enough with the decision to replace the carpet in the house and turned, somehow in the last 48 hours into an event that has ranged from dirty, sweaty, and painful to back breaking, deep tissue injury from using a JACKHAMMER for HOURS! (totally true) LOL If Ben weren't my best friend, I so would have killed him!

Our house is now piles of furniture anywhere there is not carpet and anywhere there was carpet is striped bare, vacuumed and ready to rumble! For those of you who have been to our home you know that that is not actually possible to do house-wide and so that is what the upstairs looks like (which they will do tomorrow) and then tomorrow night we will put the furniture back in the upstairs, transfer the furniture from downstairs (minus the piano, don't even ask what our plan is there because we so don't have one) and eventually after putting back all the furniture, trim work and freshly painted vents and return covers we will finally have the house just the way we always wanted it... and then hopefully, it will sell! LOL Why do we do the things we do?!
Wait don't anybody answer that... I love a good mystery!

White and Yellow Tent Day!

2008-07-21T07:19:00.001-07:00

It is opening day for the VBS that my kids look forward to the most every year. It runs four four long days this week and they have more than a thousand kids. You totally read that right, over a thousand! It is so much fun and it is the week every summer that they get to see just about every playmate in Spokane they have ever had. With all the churches we have done things with and MOPS groups we have been a part of it is like a big reunion for them. I will be shuttling them back and forth between VBS and grandmas house this year however because we are replacing our carpets all throughout the house this week and it seriously looks like twister just came through! LOL All our worldly goods are precariously balanced on top one another in any and every space that isn't carpeted! Not the safest environments for the kids!

Smile and say.... Cheeese!

2008-07-19T11:15:00.000-07:00

I awoke this morning to a conversation with a buddy I haven't chatted with for awhile. Awhile being code for, since the last major upheaval for me on a social level. I was faced once again with the seemingly endless issue of how much do you say and how on earth do you say it. When you have gone through a messy social divorce, (aka. once upon a time we used to be friends and now... not so much) it is tempting to want to defend that position which led to the separation. In my case, (I was the one begging not to be left... unsuccessfully) it is really tempting to try and explain how badly I didn't want this separation and the pain it caused. Unfortunately, in this case, I would only be trading my truth and I am sure her condolences, for her broken heart. She sees these people as trustworthy and for her, they are probably quite safe. The people in question are actually big hearted, warm, wonderful women. Wonderful women who have no respect for who their real enemy is and how happy they have made him. So what is a girl to do... (you guessed it) Smile and say..... Cheese of course! LOL

If I could implore you anything (oh great unknown readers and potential stalkers) it would be to take care with the people around you. Jesus wasn't kidding about the love your neighbor thing. It really is the hallmark of who and what we are. Look for the reasons to believe in the other person. Assume the best first. Give the benefit of the doubt that they mean you no ill. And last but certainly not least... treat them the way that you would want to be treated were the shoe on the other foot because I hate to break it to you... eventually it very well may be.

I will leave you with a poem (what you didn't see that coming?!) that speaks to my heart on this subject and then I will close the book on this little chapter...

Oh the comfort,

the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person;

having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words but to pour them all out,

just as it is, chaff and grain together

knowing that a faithful hand will sift them, keeping what is worth keeping,

and then with the breath of kindness,

blow the rest away

Dear Diary

2008-07-18T15:21:00.000-07:00

My husband has this T-shirt that he ordered and I didn't get the joke, so he had to explain it to me... slowly. It says, "More people have read this shirt than your blog 00000002". Once he explained it I thought "I better get me one of those". He says no one reads them and so they are like a glorified diary. I don't have any of the diaries from when I was a kid. Not because I didn't have any... because every time I found my mom reading one, I would burn it (not kidding). So, since my mother is the most computer illiterate creature on the planet, with no intention of changing that, I find myself finally safe and sound having a diary... and oh so much to say LOL.

Today was like so many others. I woke up with almost nothing on the schedule, thinking that I might get a chance to relax a bit, only to have everyone and their mother's brother's dog send me their to do lists, like unfinished files on a social workers desktop. I am literally stealing this moment for myself and trying to feel bad about it... but I just don't. So far today I have made two meals (for the kids, that I didn't have time to eat), returned carpet samples (for my husband), ordered carpet (for the house), solved a major minor banking catastrophe (for my husband), purchased a birthday present (for my sons friend), prepped dinner (for 6) and driven across town twice. People it's midday. Well the list calls and off I go. The really scary part is that I love this... all of it.