Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Disillusion Of Marriage; A Must Do

Every married couple faces a disillusion of marriage.  Go Ahead and read that again... yes, I said disillusion, not dissolution (scarred a few of you there perhaps).  Some call it the "honeymoon phase".  When we marry, we are generally deeply involved in a skillful illusion.  You hear people speak of "soul mates" and "the one" in soft lilting (always complimentary) tones as we begin to walk, hand in hand, down life's highway. 

Then one day it happens.  Like a dedicated groupie watching their favorite magician performing that trick that made them famous, you sit in the front row in awe. Then the unthinkable happens and they miss by just a hair and suddenly, for you, all the magic is gone and the trick is revealed.  This once enrapturing, unexplainable experience has been reduced to smoke and mirrors.  This amazing magician is just a man. If you have ever been a fan of magic or illusion shows you know that if you are around them long enough, this moment comes.  In fact, most of the time when it does it is  because the magician trusts you enough to show you his secrets.  When it comes, it comes with choices.

For some people, once they learn what's behind the scenes, it looses all it's appeal. They have a "been there, done that, got the t-shirt" attitude.  Others will find that they are still impressed with the dedication and work it takes to create the illusion and although it doesn't impress them the same way, they still enjoy it.  Some are so disillusioned that they run around ruining the show for everyone they can.  They pull rugs, yank sheets, break mirrors and whisper in children's ears "You know how they do that right?".  Loudly demanding their money back and simultaneously making many people, waiting to buy tickets, have second thoughts about going to the show at all.

There are a small few who will respond in awe.  Having the curtain pulled back increases their interest and intrigue.  Seeing how just a man with a few tricks up his sleeve can use such simple things to do something so big and exciting is impressive.  Knowing that you have earned enough trust for them to tell you their secrets and know you will keep them, builds the relationship.  From those, come fewer still, who will work right along side them and find the secret to success and smooth transitions... together.  They will work so closely that words are no longer even necessary.  A simple touch or meeting of the eyes will tell all.  They are the lifelong partners.  The ones who know all each others tricks.  They know if they have a box, some string, perhaps a table clothe and each other... they can pull off things that will amaze and astound you. 

Disillusion of marriage does sometimes lead to dissolution of marriage but it doesn't have to.  I want to share a stage with my husband for a lifetime.  Sure, I know "how it's all done" and I have seen some of these tricks a few times, but then I look at the audience.  I see the delight on our children's faces when we do something as a team and the young couples just walking in who are watching every move hoping to be able to do what we do someday and the older generation enjoying the entertainment of it all and I remember, I'm his partner.  Our marriage is not a show but it is not just for us either.  It is a working example and a very good source entertainment for all if you do it right.  Every time we work together we are something to behold.

*p.s. This was an analogy and no, I will not be dressing up like a Vegas magicians assistant... well not on stage anyway


Wendi B. - What Wendi Wants and Wendi's Book Corner said...

I was thinking about this the other day - I think too many people expect long-term marriage to remain the same as the honeymoon phase - I think when it REALLY counts is when the smoke and mirrors disappear as you pointed out, and we are left as real people going through life together, sharing the ups and downs. :) Always love your insights!

Peta-Gaye Haughton said...

Well Said Mrs. Kaeding.