I really don't know where to begin and so I will just start... here. I lost myself. I have been searching everywhere but the girl staring back at me in the mirror doesn't even look familiar to me. Having done some research, it would seem... this happens sometimes. There are seasons of a life that can be like this. It's almost like haunting myself. All my life I have been told to journal, write it down, work it out on paper, leave a record to look back on, and at long last, I see why. From the very beginning of this little blog/experiment, I said this would be my diary for the world to see and it has been and is just that. I have begun reading it all over again from the first one. It's as though I left a trail of breadcrumbs for myself to find my way back into my own life. I don't want to go back to being the women I was when I started, I couldn't and I wouldn't even if I could. It is however, reminding me of who I am and how I came to be that girl in the mirror. The lessons I have learned and the way I see the world are... unique (I'll take understatements for $300 Bob).
There have been so many changes and milestones lately. I've been married for 20 years. Two of my babies are in college. Meanwhile, I am still teaching the youngest one basic reading, writing and arithmetic. We live in our dream house. People have come and gone from my life. I'm approaching what is likely, for me, middle age (God willing) and I still don't have a handle on being comfortable in my own skin. There are so many lessons yet to learn and pages left to write. Yes, pages left to write... I like the sound of that. I like the way writing feels. Now off I go, to gather my breadcrumbs and perhaps along the way, I will find some more words for the empty pages. I do not know how many of you have read along through the years, but I do know some have. I want to say thank you for not leaving my words to fall on deaf ears and for the encouraging words you've given back along the way. I am enjoying those breadcrumbs as well.
September in my wardrobe
2 months ago