Thursday, September 30, 2010

Long Time Gone

I have been curiously absent from my blog world for a rather long time. I love to write and I am never short on opinions and so I was forced to ask myself why... why so long without blogging Miss Amy (because I actually do talk to myself in third person on a regular basis)? Fear. Yup, my answer was quick and sure.... fear.

I have very little ability to filter myself once I get started and so I must refrain at times to keep myself from saying more than I aught (yes, I just used aught in a sentence in 2010). I have found myself in one of those places in life where one must decide which direction they are going to go. There has been a shift in the ages and stages of my children, our location, our church family and in my family family. One might even say that the landscape of my life has changed. I know who I have been... now who will I be. I had the pleasure of having my niece Alex here for a long time this summer. She helped me really see the impact that I have as a mother. I know that my children are picking up all manner of questionable behavior from me but they are also learning that I value their relationship and commitment to Christ higher than any other aspect of their life. I am an evangelist. I cannot help it. My heart cries out for people who are lost and without hope. I have had some horrible experiences with churches and leadership and some have questioned well... everything about me and my faith. So then I tried to pull myself back and not be involved or put myself out there to keep out of trouble and limit strife... and I have suffered for it.

I wasn't made to stay out of trouble any more than I was made to stay silent. I love loving people... right where they are at... just as they are. Especially those that are harder to love. I have made my choice. I will step up and lead because I know God has equipped me for it. I will not be silent when I see others hurting and lost. I am pretty sure I will end up in trouble again at some point... and if the people I have been serving and caring for feel loved by me and by God through me then I will feel successful. I am tired of feeling empty at the world's version of success... I only really feel accomplished when I know God used me to reach someone's need and touch someone's heart.


Tam said...

You have been in the "valley" long enough ... though I have a feeling what you've learned about yourself along the way will equip you even more for God's work. He is never finished with us while on this earth, which means there will be growing pains sometimes. Though we don't "like" the feelings of going through dark times they are essential for our growth spiritually and essential for us to understand just how much we need the Lord in our lives! You have been through a lot and I know it's because He has GREAT plans for you. You are bold and to be a Christian we must be bold, but so many of us are complacent and comfortable in our faith (myself included). I would love to have an ounce of your boldness for Christ. I'm glad to hear you are jumping back in and doing what you are called to do...serve the Lord. ♥ You have already touched many lives and I know you will be an example to many more. This verse has been on my mind lately, but want it be a reminder to you of how special you are, Amy.

"For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." Psalm 139:13-14

You are wonderfully made ~ don't ever forget it! Who cares what the world thinks!

"The Lord is my light and salvation;whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life;of whom shall I be afraid?" Psalm 27:1

Olson Family said...


We just learned this acronym as a family. It means Not Attached To Outcome. Now, we're learning (practicing) having good boundaries as we love people... without holding expectations for how they'll respond (or react) to us.

This originally applied to apologizing, (we learned the term from reading the book "The One Minute Apology" as a family), and not having an expectation of how people will respond to our apology. But we're finding it applies to times when we do something kind for someone or we love on someone and they return a criticism or something else hurtful. We're learning to check our hearts and make sure we're operating out of pure motives... and let God take care of the rest.

I hear you. That fear. Phew! It's my big nemesis. (Well, among a few others.)

Please know that in your wake is a legacy of love, care, inspiration, wisdom, and beauty. You have "reached my need" and "touched my heart" over and over throughout our friendship!