Tuesday, October 5, 2010

I'm So Vain

I am so vain... I didn't know it but I totally am. For those of you who, as yet, are unaware I rolled a quad (four wheel recreational vehicle) while still on it and have sustained some pretty nasty injuries. I know that I am lucky (aka... I still am) but most of my wounds are to my face. I will have to have multiple procedures done over the next year in order to repair what I did to my mouth alone. I of course explained to the Dr. that this was cruel and unusual punishment as I use my smile more than 92% of the people that make up this great big world. It used to be 93% but I have made significant progress in my area alone... I mean just look at the statistics!!! 1% of the earth's population? That's HUGE!!! I of course made this statistic up but I think he got my general point and then he laughed which just PROVED it!!!

I will be wearing long sleeves and long pants as I currently look like a prison tattooed leopard (for those of you not cozy with anyone on the inside, they only use ink from Bic pens to tat each other... so it ends up that weird blue that bruises are). I have been given "bone" injections that will hopefully regrow enough bone for me to get implants put in as I am currently the poster child for the "All I Want For Christmas" song. I now humbly apologize for all the times I have said I was born in the wrong century ( I love the 1500's) because I clearly cannot emotionally handle not being able to smile prettily, talk with excellent diction and sing without a lisp. Thank you God for modern medicine because this little girl of yours has way, way, way more work to do on her ability to feel comfortable minus the cuteness factor.

Don't let me lead you to believe it's all pain and no gain. My lips are swollen to perfection! I have a pout that would shame Angelina Jolie (who am I kidding, she has no shame... but if she did) and all the swelling in the rest of my face has left me with no need for botox! Last but not least... I have had so much work done on my mouth that I have not been able to eat for two days and cannot have solid food for several more days so... totally getting thinner!!! See... told you... SO VAIN.

I don't think I have to explain why there is no picture attached to this post.

5 comments:

brooke said...

I love you no matter what!

Blair said...

Oh Amy! Ouch! Praying for you! And by the way, I don't recall you being particularly vain...a little blunt and completely hysterically funny, but not vain.

Wendi B. - Wendi's Book Corner ~ Rainy Day Reads in Seattle said...

Amy! My thoughts and prayers are with you. Hang in there. The only advice I can pass along is what my Grandma always says... "This too shall pass." So just know that you have friends rooting for you, who want the best for you, and who are praying for a complete, and speedy recovery!

Hugs and prayers and thanks to the little guardian angels who kept you from having a worse accident!

Tam said...

Oh, Amy! I'm pretty sure I told you NOT to perform any of the stunts they do in those Jack-(another word for Donkey) movies! ♥

Seriously, though ~ I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, but am so thankful you're still here and not laying in ICU or something worse! I'll definitely be praying for your recovery! Love ya!

Olson Family said...

Oh! My! Lands! My heart just completely stopped for way too many seconds! All I could think, (right before my heart started back up), was, "What if it had been worse? What if she had died? And what if she didn't know how much I love her and value her friendship?!

Oh mylanta, Girl! How thankful I am that God protected you from worse injuries! I'm so sorry that you have to go through this pain. Of course, you silly and wonderful girl... leave it to you to dive deep and look for all the positive and hysterical and character-building attributes in the situation.

Know that I'm praying for you.

And by the way, I LOVE YOU. AND I TREASURE YOUR FRIENDSHIP!!