Raising Adults

I am raising adults... not children. This statement usually gets me a few raised eyebrows. I see so many people raising children these days and then they wonder why their offspring make such poor adults. I get my share of flack because I allow my kids to say and do things that some find questionable (these being the same people who generally find me questionable so...). I know that my children are real people not puppets. They have real desires, feelings, gifts and challenges. I am not nearly as concerned by what they do or how they do it as I am WHY.

I would much rather that they question someone (even an adult) right here, right now about something if they honestly feel that what the person did was wrong then to stay silent and be polite "good" little children. I love it that they regularly whisper to me "I don't want to know what would happen if we said or did that" after witnessing other people's behavior. Or even better the times they say "thank you for disciplining that out of me" when they see peers still whining, complaining or pouting... I am not kidding.... they have really said that MANY TIMES.

On the flip side, they can be severely punished for "good" behavior if I feel like they did it for the wrong reason. I don't allow placating people who are being poorly behaved. I will make all the allowances in the world for someone who is trying and none for the people who feel entitled to them.

My kids say that I have a 15 minute answer for every 10 second question. That is because although I will occasionally use the "because I said so" it is honestly rare. I want them to think. I want them to understand why. So I take the time to talk through my decisions with them and play out the "what happens in the long run" scenario so that they understand my heart. Even if they don't completely agree with me they don't question it the next time because they know why I am saying yes or no.

Anyone who knew me when knows that I do not tolerate teasing people in any fashion for things that make them different. I do however support teasing to the point of ridiculousness about the things that we all have in common. I love comedy and I think laughter is a defining beauty in our home but never at the expense of someone else. This was a hard lesson for me as I was teased and tormented when I was young and used words as weapons myself for a long time before God really taught me this.

If you read nothing else of this babbling on READ THIS...

I know that my children are not mine. I have been given an opportunity to raise and influence two daughters of Eve and two sons of Adam. They will take what I have taught them and use it to serve themselves or the Lord. I have no control over that. That is why I am far more concerned with their heart and the why than the behavior itself. I love it that they are all so different. I only hope their true love is the same.

Long Time Gone

I have been curiously absent from my blog world for a rather long time. I love to write and I am never short on opinions and so I was forced to ask myself why... why so long without blogging Miss Amy (because I actually do talk to myself in third person on a regular basis)? Fear. Yup, my answer was quick and sure.... fear.

I have very little ability to filter myself once I get started and so I must refrain at times to keep myself from saying more than I aught (yes, I just used aught in a sentence in 2010). I have found myself in one of those places in life where one must decide which direction they are going to go. There has been a shift in the ages and stages of my children, our location, our church family and in my family family. One might even say that the landscape of my life has changed. I know who I have been... now who will I be. I had the pleasure of having my niece Alex here for a long time this summer. She helped me really see the impact that I have as a mother. I know that my children are picking up all manner of questionable behavior from me but they are also learning that I value their relationship and commitment to Christ higher than any other aspect of their life. I am an evangelist. I cannot help it. My heart cries out for people who are lost and without hope. I have had some horrible experiences with churches and leadership and some have questioned well... everything about me and my faith. So then I tried to pull myself back and not be involved or put myself out there to keep out of trouble and limit strife... and I have suffered for it.

I wasn't made to stay out of trouble any more than I was made to stay silent. I love loving people... right where they are at... just as they are. Especially those that are harder to love. I have made my choice. I will step up and lead because I know God has equipped me for it. I will not be silent when I see others hurting and lost. I am pretty sure I will end up in trouble again at some point... and if the people I have been serving and caring for feel loved by me and by God through me then I will feel successful. I am tired of feeling empty at the world's version of success... I only really feel accomplished when I know God used me to reach someone's need and touch someone's heart.

Bedroom Remodel

So the good news first... we're still married! Yeah!!! It only took us two months longer than the two weeks we planned on but it's done now and I am so happy with the finished product that I ALMOST don't remember the process... LOL. We bought this house with one bed and one bath and those are the two we just finished remodeling. As you can see we had a very nice classic 70's look going... but not quite in the retro back in fashion sort of way.

Now the bedroom wasn't so bad but at 9X10 is wasn't too big either. On top of that the wall didn't actually go all the way to the ceiling (they went under the beams so we had good ventilation... LOL)

The closet left a bit to be desired especially after the lovely accordion door broke... LOL.

Now the bathroom is clean, simple and so nice! We added a door into our room so that it doubles as a Master Bath as well as a main floor bathroom. We only extended it out a couple feet but with the slimmer cabinet it feels so much larger.

We installed a one piece shower/tub combination and it is so easy to keep clean... I love it!

So much better!

With all the windows it is so light and bright! I am looking for a nice writing desk to go under the sign between the windows. We have night tables now and I would like to have a comfy reading chair and rug in the corner by the plant... all in good time!

The view from our bed is amazing! We can see the same view we love from the deck right in our own bed every morning.

We had help from a few great friends along the way but we did most of the work ourselves. The thing I am the most proud of I think is the flooring. We had 3/4" plywood cut into 2X2' squares and stained them. Then we used a stencil to pre-drill the screw holes and used black screws so that it formed a geometrical design in the floor. We laid them alternating the grains and polyurethaned them until you can slide in your socks! The whole thing cost under $300 and it looks so beautiful!

One of these things didn't used to belong...

This is February which means that we get an annual visit from my beloved brother Darin and my niece Alex! She brought a new friend this year named Kristi who believe it or not is as nice as she is... didn't think there were any more out there to be honest! So we spent an afternoon at Best Buy checking out the new apple line... but something happened none of us could have anticipated! See if you can figure out which one of these things didn't used to belong...

Two girls sipping on Starbucks?... no, that's pretty normal in Best buy land.

Two teenagers and a 4 year old bonding over some online episodes of Sponge Bob Squarepants?... no, I think that happens a lot.

My mother falling for and purchasing the first computer she has like ever touched... What? What did you just say? My mother using a computer, let alone taking it home and getting herself an email account and asking me to teach her to use Facebook?! This definitely did not used to belong but I am so glad that's not the case anymore! I am so proud of my mom! Hey Miss Linda... I think she got tired of you knowing everything first! LOL! Here's to peer pressure!

Karen is now available at GrandmaKarenis@gmail.com !!!

NKOB County Style!

We have two new kids on the block! They came to live with us on Feb. 3ed (Jedi's birthday) but were actually born on Feb. 1st. They are Lamancha goats and so they have no ears.... but they are known for their high quality milk and that is why we go them. The kids are starting 4H this year and Raven and BJ will be showing their goats while Trinity shows her bunny.

Pictured above is Joy (BJ's goat) and below is Hope (Raven's goat). We have to bottle feed them three times a day and the kids have been great about doing it. In a couple weeks we can start them on hay and weening them off the bottles. In the fall we will take them to be kidded out "knocked up" and after the babies are a few days old they will be ready to be milked every day. Since Raven has a dairy allergy this will be an awesome provision for us as the milk and cheese will be usable for the whole family!
We built a simple pen for them by reusing some old barn doors from a building we had to tear down on the property awhile back.
Pictured above is Trinity's bunny Cadbury. Ready set... County Fair!

What is strength?

I was teased pretty mercilessly as a child. It didn't take very long to figure out that if people didn't get an emotional response from you that they didn't tend to pick on you as much. I learned not to cry, not to show emotion of any kind in large quantities and this not only gave me the power of control but denied them the power of controlling me. This is a quality that I began to look at as a strength. I have worked to teach my children this same "quality". I reward them for times when they stuff their emotions and don't allow others see their pain and banish them to their room if they are crying until they can pull it together. It has come to my attention that this is actually not strength. It is a lonely road that leads to a broken person.

My youngest daughter is the happiest, sweetest little ray of sunshine on the planet and because of that I have never respected her. As I fervently tried to teach her to be as unfeeling as I am she has repeatedly looked me in the eye and told me she loves me and continued on in her loving way to reach out and connect with anyone and everyone without hesitation. I was wrong. Not showing my feelings didn't actually stop me from feeling them. The pain was not decreased by denying it... only deepened by my suffering alone. I pray it is not too late. I want to turn it around. She has been so strong to stand up in the face of all my opposition (bullying... if I'm being honest) and continue to care. True strength is being willing to be vulnerable. The ability to walk away unchanged, uncaring with only your control to keep you warm at night is weakness. I will have to learn strength from my little girl. I am confident it is not the only thing she can teach me... just the beginning.

Hope...

Oh, ya'll are in for a deep one today... one year ago, I was in the darkest depression of my life. I honestly felt that God had let me go. Having grown up in a Christian home and with a relationship with God very early I have never really been able to understand the haunting questions that non believers struggle with... until this. Looking back at the road I have traveled this last year I can honestly say I am so grateful for every minute. Yup, you read that right. I am so thankful that God let me go through a season where as much as I adore my husband and love my children, the fact that I could no longer feel God in my life left me hopeless. I could only see my flaws. Nothing seemed to have purpose. What was I here for? What is the point of all this? Is this really all there is? I considered ending my life. It seemed to me that I was only bringing people down. My children needed a better mother. Ben deserved a better wife.

God didn't let me go. He allowed me to go through this to realize that I had it all backwards. I saw Him as the icing on the cake of life. Something to sweeten the wonderful life I was busy living with family and friends. The truth is that without Him nothing else was sweet, it was exhausting. If this was all there is... they weren't enough to make me want to do it. He is what makes my life sweet. He is my hope. Without Jesus... my life was empty, unfulfilled and without hope. Without hope... I never would have known what that simple, complicated phrase meant if he had not allowed me to really feel it. I needed to know what it felt like to not feel Him there with me to know how much of a difference He makes in my life every day. It makes me want to scream from the mountain tops to all my friends that don't know what hope, true hope feels like! It doesn't have to be this way! There is so much more! He is not a joy stealer... He is a joy giver!

This experience as revived my faith. I still struggle. There are still good days and very hard days. The laundry still piles up. The toilet still needs scrubbing. Some friends stay and some leave. At the end of the day I am still emotionally and physically exhausted but I know what I am here for. I know this is not all there is. I have hope. Sweet, precious, priceless hope for tomorrow.