This week we pulled up to the mailbox after a long day and I had no idea that one of my life long dreams (I would say fantasy but that seems like a sticky descriptive word for this) was about to be fulfilled. Ben looked over the pieces of mail and handed me a mustard yellow envelope. Well, it looked mustard yellow before I opened it, then suddenly before my eyes it turned golden! As I read over it I whispered the words I have always wanted to say... I have been summoned for Jury Duty. This dear reader is how the rest of the conversation went (well... pretty much)...
"I am sure you can get out of it" my misguided husband said.
"WHAT? Why would I do that?" I gasped in horror.
"Well for one thing what about the gas... do you know how long a drive it is to the courthouse (not long enough as it turns out but we'll get to that) everyday?" he said.
"They will be paying me $40 per day. I replied. They are going to pay me to be judgmental! Can you believe it... you are so looking at a future jury foreman right now!" I cried. "I have been preparing for this practically my entire life. I wouldn't be surprised if after the two weeks they ask me to be a special liaison for the court or an honorary assistant DA or something"
"What are you talking about?" my silly husband (who apparently was unaware of my qualifications) said. "You think that because you are good at being judgmental they will offer you a job?"
"You did not just call me judgmental?" I balked. "I happen to have good judgment (significantly better than most clearly), that does not make me judgmental! I meant because of all my experience in the court room and with the legal system in general"
"You have no experience in the legal system or the courtroom" he said.
"Besides being a student of human nature and an avid people watcher, I have seen every single episode of Matlock EVER made... several times! (I can quote most of them) I know what it takes to make a good foreman. I know how to tell when a witness is being coy or lying. I even know how to commit the perfect murder (Matlock taught a college class about it as part of his pro bono work... I have seen that one like 15 times). I have studied under what most people (meaning me, myself and I) consider to be the greatest legal mind of our time! I did what practically counts as my undergraduate with the Judge Wapner, Judge Judy and watching Perry Mason (oh I hope the attorneys aren't like Mason... the droning on and on in near monotone could put a person to sleep which is why I haven't watched them all). Add all that to my personal insight and experiences and I owe it to the good people of Washington State to do my duty and serve as a civil servent" was my impassioned plea. "How far is it to the courthouse would you say?" I asked.
"Why?" he asked suspiciously.
"Because it says that if you live over 60 miles from the courthouse a hotel room will be provided for you as well" I replied (trying to keep the smile out of my hope filled voice).
"Maybe 30 miles... probably less" he said (giving no thought to the fact he was bursting my fun bubble). "So, you're not going to try to get out of it?" he asked
We have been married for nearly 17 years and the man doesn't know me.