Friday, January 27, 2012

A Dream Fulfilled!

This week we pulled up to the mailbox after a long day and I had no idea that one of my life long dreams (I would say fantasy but that seems like a sticky descriptive word for this) was about to be fulfilled.  Ben looked over the pieces of mail and handed me a mustard yellow envelope.  Well, it looked mustard yellow before I opened it, then suddenly before my eyes it turned golden!  As I read over it I whispered the words I have always wanted to say... I have been summoned for Jury Duty.  This dear reader is how the rest of the conversation went (well... pretty much)...

"I am sure  you can get out of it" my misguided husband said.

"WHAT? Why would I do that?" I gasped in horror.

"Well for one thing what about the gas... do you know how long a drive it is to the courthouse (not long enough as it turns out but we'll get to that) everyday?" he said.

"They will be paying me $40 per day. I replied. They are going to pay me to be judgmental! Can you believe it... you are so looking at a future jury foreman right now!" I cried.  "I have been preparing for this practically my entire life. I wouldn't be surprised if after the two weeks they ask me to be a special liaison for the court  or an  honorary assistant DA or something"

"What are you talking about?" my silly husband (who apparently was unaware of my qualifications) said.  "You think that because you are good at being judgmental they will offer you a job?"

"You did not just call me judgmental?" I  balked.  "I happen to have good judgment (significantly better than most clearly), that does not make me judgmental!  I meant because of all my experience in the court room and with the legal system in general"

"You have no experience in the legal system or the courtroom" he said.

"Besides being a student of human nature and an avid people watcher, I have seen every single episode of Matlock EVER made... several times!  (I can quote most of them)  I know what it takes to make a good foreman.  I know how to tell when a witness is being coy or lying. I even know how to commit the perfect murder (Matlock taught a college class about it as part of his pro bono work... I have seen that one like 15 times).  I have studied under what most people (meaning me, myself and I) consider to be the greatest legal mind of our time!  I did what practically counts as my undergraduate with the Judge Wapner, Judge Judy and watching Perry Mason (oh I hope the attorneys aren't like Mason... the droning on and on in near monotone could put a person to sleep which is why I haven't watched them all).  Add all that to my personal insight and experiences and I owe it to the good people of Washington State to do my duty and serve as a civil servent" was my impassioned plea.  "How far is it to the courthouse would you say?" I asked.

"Why?" he asked suspiciously.

"Because it says that if you live over 60 miles from the courthouse a hotel room will be provided for you as well" I replied (trying to keep the smile out of my hope filled voice).

"Maybe 30 miles... probably less" he said (giving no thought to the fact he was bursting my fun bubble).  "So, you're not going to try to get out of it?" he asked

We have been married for nearly 17 years and the man doesn't know me.


Jen said...

I am DYING of laughter. And also envy. I have been summoned three times in three years, but have no one to watch the kids, so I always get out of it. This is awesome.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I just happened upon your blog and I find a kindred spirit! I KNOW I would be great at jury duty! I have only been called twice and served once on a grand jury. The second time, the case was pled out. Grand Jury was fun, though, but so many years ago. Like you, I long for a stay in a motel with a novel and no meals to cook!!

Gary said...

Hello, I came across your blog by clicking on 'Next Blog' on my blogspot nav bar. I stopped for only a second to check out your page layout and stayed for several of your postings. I enjoyed your banter and commentary on life, people and stuffs. :)
I am a blogger and amature author so my eye is usually caught by the logical and easy to read stuff.
I am not one to comment on most things,but I had to say ," Nice blog."